When we lean to our own understanding we limit ourselves and block the goodness meant for us. For example, I have been confronted with the same situation over the past decade off and on. With experience telling me that the individuals pattern is fairly the same, I always expected the outcome to be the same. MY THINKING. So with MY THINKING and the information I used from past experiences, I would prepare myself for the event.
Setting up the situation to play out as I expected because of what I thought I knew stopped me from being free of emotional bitterness, and draining thoughts, and time consuming response planning. I lost sight of the high road the matter was offering me for years because I always leaned to my understanding of the situation.
Diagnosing why the individual did certain things, looking at what I perceived they wanted from me, trying to avoid the illusion of 'they were trying to control me' made my sight blurry, my life stressful, and out of control. In addition, those preoccupations closed my heart to being in the moment, to helping those around me get through the reoccurring event, fostering more faith and strengthening a bond being unraveled. My heart hardened and I lost my ability to be sensitive toward people around me who had nothing to do with the situation and I also lost the ability to be understanding of the person acting out and the opportunity to bring peace and balance to the entire circumstance.
For a moment I became engulfed to the sensuality, the senses, the feelings. This translated into plotting revenge, or counter actions and I was full of constant want for the individual to be exposed, to be shown up, to be punished and anxiety. Unknowingly, I was in a place of darkness until I made a conscience decision to adjust my focus and look at why I felt my feelings. I owned my feelings by admitting what I felt, what actions triggered these feelings, and how I interpreted these feelings. Interpreting my feelings took the blame from the individual and shined the light on my character and how it needed some adjustments. I was then able to place my hope in being aided by an open heart to help to those around me who are affected. It opened me up to telling my story about the experiences, and found solutions outside of my own understanding through others suggestions. I have since become less angered and much less bitter. A feeling of compassion is present for the person who really is blind to the impact they are creating.
Every time they 'mess up', I do not look to my understanding, I focus on keeping my heart open to see and receive the message for me. The practice for me is to allow them to be and do, as I stay out of the darkness of my thoughts and actions.