NASA scientists are getting bored with discovering the mysteries of the infinite universe and have been spending their time, and our tax dollar, getting spiders stoned. It seems that they’ve been testing drugs on spiders to see how they affected their web-building engineering. Their experiments have shown that “Common house spiders spin their webs in different ways according to the psychotropic drug they have been given.”
The spider that used pot seemed to forget what it was doing and although it made a great effort, it could only muster part of a web. It seemed to lose interest in spinning a web out of its gut and immediately looked for a small cocooned moth to munch on.
According to the New Science Magazine, the spider on speed (Benzedrine) built its web in a blazing fury, however, leaving large holes in the structure; not that effective when you’re trying to fish something out of the air. His eyes, all eight of them, bulged out grotesquely.
The caffeinated spider could only muster a few threads strung together randomly. The spider‘s eyes darted from left to right in a worried expression of …paranoia? The spider’s body began to shake convulsively and its teeth chattered. It occasionally would let out small screams and seemed to have “flash bulb eyes” and asked the waiter for a java refill.
The spider that took sleeping pills seemed to drop off before it even got started.
Flies buzzed around the head of the cocaine snorting spider while it bounced on its web like a trampoline.
The drunken spider completed about half of its web then vomited all over it.
The spiders on crack would only complete a web halfway before it exploded.
The spider on ecstasy bobbed its head to the rock music like a real head banger.
The spider on heroine died of an overdose so the experiment wasn’t completed. The spider emitted one strand, rode it down to the end and then died.
Maybe humans are not that different from insects after all.