It’s high time to give yourself permission to thoroughly enjoy your life! No more pretending to be happy and satisfied while silently engaged in and/on an volatile emotional roller coaster set on target to explode. The problem results from the fact that you have no idea where or when or on whom that explosion will occur. But mark my words: “The day will arrive.” Without your conscious participation, the dreaded occasion will arrive when you unload on some unsuspecting soul some of the pent up repressed anger you’ve accumulated. To add insult to injury, you end up feeling guilty for acting so inappropriately, so you apologize which diminishes your integrity. And, then you try to explain your unwarranted actions. Ha!
It’s a ferocious self-defeating cycle. It’s so pointless and futile to continue to live like this. What are you waiting for? What do you think you have to lose? Why are you trying so hard to maintain a fictitious façade? Have you ever really stopped to sincerely ask yourself what it is that truly floats your boat? Every action you take part in is gauged by fear and control. Fear that you will lose the security of familiarity and the control necessary to uphold the ridiculous story you’ve created in order to feel safe and maintained. Blow it to smithereens! Why spend such untold life-supporting energy and inherent youthful sensual life force to control situations and people who really bore and upset you. They end up feeling like they are in prison (furious about the situation) while you are tied up being their so called “guardian”. Stop being their warden. Give me a break and, you too! Allow the other person the privilege to dispute you. Allow them to disagree and desire something entirely different from what you think they ought to want.
Incidentally, the only reason you are trying to think for them is because you believe it benefits you in the long run. Totally untrue! The absolute worst experience you could ever go through is betrayal, followed by abandonment which is always attached. But, as surprising as it may seem no one can betray you except yourself. No one, no time, no place, no how! The same goes for abandonment. The abandonment you think you experience is solely linked to your refusal to accept your personal soul’s assignment.
You decided somewhere long the path to sublimate or delay your desires in exchange for the journey of another you mis-appropriately decided that his/her life was more interesting and fulfilling than your own. So you jumped ship to board the train of another’s life. But make no bones about it; you were not guileless in your attempt. Your motives were premeditated and clear. You undertook the mission believing ‘at sometime’ you would benefit and gain something of worthwhile value that would increase you and your happiness. Or even more delusional, you somehow contrived in your own mind that you could and would add beauty, joy, love, happiness, support or benefit to the other. HA! Wrong! So totally wrong!
Self-betrayal started in the very first moment you saw and seized the opportunity for so-called unity. No such thing. You are a solitary creature already united. No need to try to join with anything or anyone. You must maintain your own presence without the grand display of forfeiture. When you supposedly made the attempt to join another’s efforts you forfeited your own. If you don’t establish and make the natural effort to ‘flow without resistance’ you will end up erroneously believing that you can be, have been, will be cheated in some way or another but this is not true at all and never can be.
Self-betrayal begins and ends your self-absorbed paranoid plight. Stop looking to another whether Divine or Human for your salvation and redemption. Realize once and for all that you are a Master Manipulator who is totally self-intoxicated! No need to apologize but worse yet is to deny. You are perfectly fit for the task at hand. You were born with every asset, talent, gift and ability you would ever need to unfold and evolve; no other person carries any extra ingredient to add to your pie. You are a walking enigma to behold and bestow. You are the MOST important subject there is; you will always be. You have always known this but have invented clever undetectable entwining ways to either cover it up or mask it in some way or another. You wanted, desired, and craved the attention you received when you thought you were perceived as a ‘Nice, caring, loving, interested and concerned’ person. You may have felt some sort of guilt for feeling so competent or vain. So in order to deny those belittling and contradictory feelings you exaggerated (acted out) in apparent loving and attentive ways. HA! Bull shit! You are not concerned with anything or anyone more than you are yourself.
If you do not see this fact: Let immeasurable PAIN over take your body and see how concerned you are for who. And, loving? Who do you love when you are hungry, cold, tired or in need of relieving yourself in the bathroom. You are literally ‘scared to death’ of your indifference. You can’t possibly process much less tolerate how much you don’t care. Until you realize and accept that you are a self-absorbed creature who does nothing without a desired result whether it be emotional, financial, mental, physical or spiritual you will in wise be free. You simply want to be entertained, fed, housed, clothed and allowed to empty your bowels when necessary. These actions boil down to one solitary motivating factor. You NEED to express in whatever way feels most natural and convenient for you.
It’s not selfish. It’s the most selfless act you will ever enter into. COSMIC THERAPY is everything you do, say, feel, enjoy. It’s simply YOU expressed at the highest and lowest levels (one and the same). Are you ready yet? Let’s do it! Open the door for incredible Therapeutic ENTERTAINMENT. Find out what thrills you the most. When you uncover your particular SOUL’S ASSIGNMENT, you will be entertained and artistically inspired beyond belief. No other avenue will do it for you. You alone posses the creative “Treasure Chest” of salvation’s, unexpressed artistic talent. Guess what? The only salvation (therapy) going on is taking place within you and it’s cosmic in nature.