Sometimes a cheater like Jesse James really does want to get
caught. There are several reasons why. Photo: AP file
Jesse James’ statement that he wanted to get caught cheating on Sandra Bullock may not be as far-fetched as it seems.
Sometimes cheaters really do want to get caught.
Below are several reasons why. Some of these reasons may overlap, but at least 3 of them apply to Jesse James.
A Cry for Help
Infidelity can sometimes be a cry for help. The cheater may want to get caught because he knows he’s doing something wrong, because he’s consumed with guilt, because he doesn’t know how to terminate the affair, or because he’s addicted to sex (see the reason below.) At any rate, the cheater doesn’t feel that he can put himself in check. But he knows that if he gets caught, his cheating will have to stop.
Sex Addiction
If the cheater is a sex addict, ( as in the case of Jesse James) he may be powerless to stop his destructive behavior on his own. If he gets caught cheating, then he has no choice but to acknowledge that he has a sex addiction problem which requires professional help. See Could Your Cheating Husband or Boyfriend be a Sex Addict Like Tiger Woods or Jesse James?
To Call Attention to Problems in the Relationship
Sometimes a man may want to get caught cheating in order to call his mate’s attention to problem areas in their relationship. He may not know how to verbally express exactly what is wrong. Or he may have attempted to point out a problem area to his wife or girlfriend and she shrugged off his complaint, ignored him, or did not take him seriously. So as a last resort, he does something dramatic like cheating and getting caught because it will require them to seek professional help. See What NOT To Do If He's Cheating on You and Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat?
To End the Marriage or Relationship
Sometimes a man will cheat on his wife or girlfriend, or have what marriage and family counselors refer to as an exit affair. If he wants to get out of the marriage or relationship, but doesn’t want to be the one to say “It’s over between us.” He may be aware that infidelity is a deal breaker for his wife or girlfriend so he cheats, and maneuvers the situation so he’ll get caught cheating. He knows that it this happens his girlfriend will end the relationship, or his wife will file for divorce.
To Deliberately Hurt His Mate
There are many men who are callous, cold-hearted, mean-spirited cheaters who have affairs just for the purpose of hurting their mates. This type of cheater will purposely orchestrate things so that as to get caught, because that way his infidelity will have the maximum effect.
Revenge Cheating or Retaliatory Affairs
Though women are usually the ones who usually engage in revenge cheating, sometimes a man will attempt to pay a his wife or girlfriend back for cheating on him, by having a retaliatory affair. If this is his way of evening the score, then it’s mandatory for his wife or girlfriend to catch him cheating. So he sets things up so that he’ll get caught. Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even With a Cheating Mate and 3 Types of Revenge Cheating or Retaliatory Affairs
To Sabotage His Relationship or MarriageDeep down inside, some men don’t feel that they deserve a happy marriage or a loving wife. It may sound like a warped way of thinking, but in the back his mind, a man in a good marriage may be in a constant state of mental stress, wondering when something will go wrong to destroy it all. Eventually it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This could be the case with Jesse James. It seems counterproductive, but a man who thinks like this may cheat on his wife or girlfriend, subconsciously hoping to get caught. That way he can prove to himself that he was undeserving of her love. Obviously a man in this frame of mind this needs professional help. See Happy Husbands Cheat Too and How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates
______________________________________________
*** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com , the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com
For practical advice on dealing with infidelity, or for articles on the Sandra Bullock - Jesse James infidelity scandal, see the two lists of articles below
Practical Infidelity Advice
How Good Men End Up Cheating on Their Mates
Are Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat?
Could Your Cheating Husband or Boyfriend be a Sex Addict Like Tiger Woods or Jesse James?
The Top 10 Reasons Why Men and Women Cheat
3 Types of Revenge Cheating or Retaliatory Affairs
Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even With a Cheating Mate
What Should I Do If I Think He or She Is Cheating on Me?
What NOT To Do If He's Cheating on You
Is He Cheating? – Is She Cheating? 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (softcover book)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)
5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)
Free Infidelity Tip Sheets and Special Reports
Infidelity Resources to Help You Catch a Cheating Mate
Articles on the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock Infidelity Scandal
Will Jesse James’ TV Appearance Convince Sandra Bullock to Take Him Back?
Update on the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock Infidelity Scandal – All the Latest News
Sandra Bullock’s Strategy for Surviving Infidelity Can Help Other Women With Cheating Mates
Could You Be Duped into Dating a Married Man Like Jesse James Duped Michelle Bombshell McGee?
Comments
I can´t understan what Sandra might see in Jessy James.
Jessy must be a good man.He looks like to be a good person.People tend to forgive him but does Sandra forgive him?.She is who knows him very well, better than anybody.
This article sounds as if it was written by a fifteen-year old girl.
Those are your reasons? Those are really, for the most part, lame excuses. Not reasons. And please, enough with the pseudo sex addiction claims by cheaters. While I don't disagree that there is a form of sex addiction, not a single one of these famous cheating men have a sex 'addiction'. What they have are egos that need to be fed. And desires -- they want what they want -- and don't consider the hurt they are inflicting in their selfish choices.
Cheating is a choice. Not a 'problem'. You have a choice to stay in a situation that may test your fidelity...or you have a choice to remove yourself from it. That's all it is1/: a choice.
Horrible article.
To ½ Star:
These are not MY reasons – they are the CHEATER’S reasons. If the reasons sound like those of a teenager, it’s because cheaters – both make and female - often behave like adolescents.
As for sex addiction – it’s a highly controversial topic even among medical professionals. Some believe it’s a valid addiction that affects an estimated 16 million Americans of both sexes. Others don’t believe such a thing exists.
For more info on the topic of sex addiction – see the article entitled
Is Tiger Woods REALLY a Sex Addict? Check This List and Decide for Yourself.
This article contains a list of behaviors and characteristics common to sex addicts, compiled from several reputable medical websites. Check it out. You might be surprised.
I agree with you whole-heartedly that cheating is a choice. Unless rape is involved, the cheater can always choose to say NO.
Ruth Houston, National Infidelity Examiner
Got something to say?
Examiner.com is looking for writers, photographers, and videographers to join the fastest growing group of local insiders. If you are interested in growing your online rep apply to be an Examiner today!