For most people they need to know in advance they will be accepted by the other person. In order to be sexually expressive and open psychologically means they want to feel safe, they want to feel comfortable and the possibility of rejection will not even be an issue.
This is not real love
You need to be able to think with clarity when it comes to self. Real intimacy is no about you versus them mental thoughts you may be having. What it takes is courage to look at the man or woman in the mirror and consciously ask, “What is it that I stand for?” It’s not about being lonesome or being able to connect on an emotional level, but it is about wanting a meaningful relationship.
You need to look deeper and be exponentially honest with yourself
Your emotional maturity, scientifically effects your neocortex, the part of the brain that receives the nervous system signaling it into maturity. Low differentiation, emotional immaturity, leads to an underdeveloped neocortex and unstable relationships. It reinforces scotomas or places where you are blind and blocked in awareness. Trusting your partner for validation and giving them more credit for your acceptance more than yourself is misunderstanding what “intimacy” is.
“I want to be intimate, but your go first”
Limitations and immaturities. “I’ll reveal something intimate about me if you reveal something intimate about you first mentality. You open up first, you say I love you before I will open up and say it.“ This is not emotional maturity; this is not speaking from a developed neorcortex. You need to self-validate. You must be able to comfort and soothe your own self. It’s true to be able to love another you must be able to stand on your own emotionally.
The difficulty of breaking immature habits
The scotoma, not being able to see the forest for the trees is well-meaning people can present happiness and a mature relationship to you but when your vision is blocked and you are anxious you vigorously deny them. Bitter traces are free-floating from pain suffered previously in childhood and it comes up over and over again because you are permanently at war with yourself.
People do not choose this form of prison or enslavement. It just sort of happens as a child and you just go along with it. It may feel natural and you don’t question it. To live from the impulses and emotions numbs you and gets you through it, you think. It is nothing but a distraction from grace.
A new view is in order
Anxiously alert. The onslaught of unpleasant thoughts, feelings and anticipation lingers. It’s a huge brain wave at the slightest angry expression or look away from your partner. The oversensitive limbic system is shocked and paralyzed, and for some it’s downright unbearable. Something must be done to the other person, or should it?
For the high-strung limbic system psychopharmacological intervention for severe emotional burdens may be necessary to take the edge off, can be positively life-altering
Being so hurt that you feel it for weeks even months is a form of depression that may need professional help. The problem is people do not see it that way. It takes the edge of for a time until new healthy experiences and memories can be triggered, remembered and come into play through counseling. The limbic system and the neocortex grows and you can get on with your day and your life. The oversensitive and excessive vulnerabilities are reduced to manageable levels.
You can’t rely on the eyes when he imagination is out of focus
When your circuits are well-worn and the same old patterns of thinking can fly down them like a rocket sled on wheels without resistance or self-observation. This way of being becomes a part of you that you now think is normal or “just the way it is” attitude or mood.
A well-meaning therapist helps you to knock down the walls of our prison. Bringing darkness to the light, replacing chaos with the capacity to love restored. Overhauling your emotions requires rolling up the sleeves and learning to loosen the grip of whatever relationship pattern you have in mind. You now dance to a new rhythm and you can now see your own emotions were not really your trusted friends.
A childhood filled with emotionally inconsistent parents can leave you emotionally lazy. It’s like waking up from a dream and your new life transforms. People who take on this emotional resistance leave the therapists office feeling stronger, calmer and safer. Falling in love feels warm and cozy instead of a bargaining plea. “This above all, to thine own self be true.” –from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. It is possible to be free, free to love, free to have a mature relationship with another mature being. Beyond your own scattered and disorganized impulses, feelings and desires.
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