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Snuggling to be declared illegal in Madison Wisconsin

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Madison Wisconsin; 74 year old Ben Lipshitz and his wife Maggie were arrested today for snuggling on their couch.

Police broke through the front door and cuffed the pair just as they were sitting down for Alex Trebek and Jeopardy after supper.

Police Chief Wilbur Metcalf: “We had reports there was ‘snuggling’ going on and we acted as soon as the Judge signed the warrant.

The previous, of course, is not real, but what is real is that City of Madison, Wisconsin lawyers are drafting ‘anti-snuggling’ legislation in response to fears that The Snuggle House, a new business that promotes touching which they say relieves stress, is actually a front for prostitution.

“It depends on which part you touch.” says Alderman Johnny Blacker “What’s the difference between a snuggle and copping a feel? I don’t know but I’ll know it when I see it; or feel it” he laughed.

Customers at Madison's Snuggle House could have snuggled with professional cuddlers for $60 an hour. A quick feel was $15 and with a ‘happy ending’ $50.

The town can breathe easier tonight because the Downtown business, open for just three weeks, announced on its Facebook page Friday night that it has closed.

No specific reason was given, but The Snuggle House, whose November opening was delayed for one month because of city concerns for citizens who could have mistakenly expected ‘cuddling’ and instead be brought to sexual climax against their will.

“We’re here to protect the citizenry of Madison from all forms of snuggling, cuddling and/or spooning” said Mayor John ‘Jack’ Mehoff.

Supporters say the business would have helped people relax through non-sexual touch although in a local survey sexual touching was preferred 10 to 1.

Police say before the news of the closing they were planning sting operations at the Snuggle House by sending in innocent middle aged men who looked like they didn’t have sex for years and seeing if they could become ‘victims.’

The Snuggle House which had attracted nationwide attention, opened Nov. 15 after weeks of delays because of a lack of a business plan other than ‘We’re going to snuggle’ for money.

City fathers were relieved when they realized business at the local brothel would not suffer.

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