Just as no two snowflakes are exactly alike, neither are two step families. Every blended family you meet will have it's own problems and concerns.
Resist the urge to compare
Comparing your blended family to another is not only unfair to you, it's also unfair to the other family. Family dynamics are complex things to consider in dealing with a blended family. While some blended families appear to get along perfectly to the casual observer, most have blemishes that stand out blatantly if someone looks closer.
Every family has the usual daily stress. Getting children off to school, the usual household chores and often getting both parents off to work. These stresses coupled with the merging of two families can create more stress than a household that doesn't have a blended family.
Discipline
Again, as no two snowflakes are alike, neither is discipline in a blended family. Often children visit back and forth between mom's house and dad's house. Discipline is often carried out randomly if at all by the parent that doesn't have custody. This can create a great chasm between the two families if it isn't resolved quickly.
While it's difficult for the non custodial parent to impart discipline on a wayward child, it's important to set limits and boundaries for said child. If boundaries and limits are not set children can spiral out of control. Children may resent not being disciplined and feel that the parent doesn't really care about them at all if they don't set limits. While children complain about discipline, in the long run they too recognize that it's for their own good.
The neighbor kids get to
A great coercive maneuver of children is to tell parents, step parents or even the baby sitter that the neighbor kids get to <insert what they get to do here> and thus they should be allowed to. Every child has tried this tactic at least once. Be prepared for it at all times because when you're snowflake parenting you don't want to give in and do what everyone else is doing.
Teaching children early on that this tactic won't work is a great step in helping them see that you aren't as naive as they think you are.
When children are confrontational and demanding telling them that you believe in “snowflake” parenting will help them to soon recognize that you're not going to give in to their demands nor are you a pushover.
If you're living in the Spokane area and want help for your blended family, you can refer to these articles for some local counseling centers and more information on blended families:
Spokane Families can live happily ever after
Spokane Families can help kids in blended families deal with a divorce or remarriage
Children's first parenting seminars required in The State of Washington
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If you're part of an organization in Spokane, Washington that helps blended families, or you're part of a blended family and would like to share something with Spokane Blended Families examiner please contact the author at Countrymom_inland@yahoo.com and share your story. We are happy to edit out any personal details and share your story with our readers.
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