Snooping, Good or Bad?
Recently a few friends were sitting around having a conversation about snooping. The question was proposed, “Is it okay to snoop or when you should snoop?” Snooping is a violation of a person’s personal. If you look up the word snoop in the dictionary this is what you get, “to investigate or look around furtively in an attempt to find out something, esp. information about someone's private affairs.”
Let’s talk about the word furtively, in Latin it means theft, fur. So when you snoop what are you stealing? Snooping is very sneaky and mischievous behavior. It violates the trust two people have with one another. When you act furtively there is a feeling of guilt because of our unconscious human emotions. Looking through someone’s personal things puts you in place of mistrust which you may never again be able to recover from. Also often when people snoop they are never really prepared for what they find. Which is odd because if you are snooping you are expecting to find something, right? Then the question also becomes what exactly are you snooping for? Are you looking to see if the other person is being honest with you, are you trying to help them in some way, or are you looking to get proof they are cheating.
Being in a relationship or a marriage with someone does not give you a free pass to knowing every thought, conversation or idea someone has. By having some boundaries on what you share can make for a more healthy relationship. Don’t you expect some level of privacy when you are in relationship someone? How would you feel if someone snooped on you? I am not saying walk around with blinders on. But as humans I do say let your instincts do the thinking for you. Be a grown up and ask very specific questions, not probing questions. Don’t let past relationships rear their ugly head in your new relationship. No matter the gender we all have instincts, and can generally tell when something is not right. It is okay not to know everything about someone. Even in a marriage it is okay to have some secretes. As long as those secretes are not in a form meant to deceive or cause mistrust. A relationship should be built on openness, honesty, and trust, not pry, manipulation, and deception.
So the next time you decide to snoop ask yourself five questions. Am I prepared for what I find? What do I plan on doing with what I find? Could this have all been avoided by having a real conversation? Will I be okay if this person no longer wants to be in relationship with me? And lastly most important, how satisfied will I be if find nothing?