My 14-year-old daughter Claire loves jazz. A few days ago she attended a concert at a university, where she ran into the professor who taught a jazz history course she recently took. Knowing Claire is a jazz singer, he kindly offered her advice while she listened politely.
He meant well, but his suggestion that she learn the lyrics and melody of a new song a week in order to expand her repertoire beyond 20 songs wasn't helpful. Claire knows well over a hundred songs already, and not just the words and the tunes.
When she told me about the exchange she wondered why her professor's words of wisdom didn't go further -- why, for example, he didn't tell her to learn the chord changes to the songs, and practice improvising over them.
Why indeed. Maybe because so many adults in our culture don't think teenagers are capable of acquiring knowledge and ability at what is generally considered to be an adult level. This is unfortunate, not just because it's completely untrue. It also keeps young people from pursuing their talents and interests to the fullest.
Claire isn't the only teen I've witnessed tackling interests with zeal, finesse, and maturity. After 20 years as a homeschooling parent, I've had the pleasure of knowing homeschooled teens who made their own films, danced professionally, wrote books, designed websites, worked as veterinary assistants, taught music lessons, published their photography -- the list could go on.
It makes me sad to think that so many adults either don't get the inspiring experience of seeing young people in action this way, or are simply unable to enjoy it because of preconceived notions and cultural stereotypes about teenagers, a group which I consider to be one of our most precious resources.
Homeschooling certainly isn't required for teens to grow and flourish, but it does offer certain advantages, the foremost being time to pursue interests with a focus that high school kids with reams of homework are hard pressed to match.
How do we as parents and adults help nurture the teens around us, including our children? A good starting point is observing some of the characteristics that teens who enjoy life and accomplish goals have in common.
Passion This is probably numero uno. Why does Claire sing jazz? Because she loves it, so much that she undertook an ongoing intensive study of it completely on her own initiative. Same reason that as a teenager, my 23-year-old son Eric had a detailed knowledge of birds and animals, happily cleaned out cages and fed the snakes at the Museum of Science's live animal center, and spent every weekend at Drumlin Farm doing wildlife care. Give kids time and space and they're sure to find what thrills them. It's all about love.
Intrinsic motivation Pursuing something for praise, glory, or material rewards isn't going to yield the kind of deep commitment and satisfaction necessary for true success and happiness. To foster intrinsic motivation, don't give your kids rewards and refrain from spouting empty praise.
Risk taking Let's face it -- to get really good at something, you have to make mistakes. Teens who aren't afraid to fall on their faces and who persevere when they do are going to accomplish more and be unique about it. Homeschoolers, who aren't graded and judged by teachers on a regular basis, can be less afraid of trying new things. Don't foil that with didactisim when things don't work out as your kid planned (failure is a great teacher all by itself). If your kid seems to want to play it safe, don't push it. Human beings blossom in their own time. Stress and pressure won't push things along any faster.
Self-confidence Teens who don't feel good about themselves are unlikely to take the kind of risks that lead to innovation and original expression. Self-confidence starts with a strong sense of security. Giving kids love, support, and guidance builds this.
Besides caring for your own kids, remember to take the time to appreciate the uniqueness and genius in other young people you encounter. When people tell you your kids must somehow be special because of their accomplishments or interests, remind them they're no different than other kids.
A couple of years ago I was in a group of adults who were discussing Jane Austen, and I mentioned that my daughters, 10 and 12 at the time, loved her books. "Oh, your kids are weird," they good-naturedly said. I did my best to set them straight, and not for the sake of my girls. Children and teens are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. The sooner we adults figure that out, the better off our world will be.
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