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Sisters stun strippers with suit

"Now you stop that twerking this instant!"
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A group of nuns is suing to shut down the strip club next to their convent in Stone Park Illinois that the sisters say keeps them awake at night. “And it interferes with our nightly BINGO game” said Sister Hurley. “Some of our players are a little deaf and their hearing aids are picking up “You Shook me All Night Long” by AC/DC.

“They can’t hear the numbers. They’re standing up and instead of yelling ‘bingo’ some of them are screaming, ‘You want to see what I’ve got? I’ll show you what I got!’ It’s a little disconcerting.”

In their suit, the Missionary Sisters say that Club Allure has ruined their peace with blinking neon lights and loud thumping music. “And some of the Sisters have started to inadvertently twerk along with the music when it gets too loud” said a spokes-nun for the group. We’re all for exercise, but that’s the wrong place.”

The thumping music, although providing a back beat for when they pray the rosary, doesn’t lend itself to silent meditative thought especially when they also hear, “Hey, let’s welcome Becky to the stage!”

Club Allure's website advertises it as “We’ve Got it All! Chicago's Premier Adult Playground just a Few Steps from Redemption.”

The club owners suggest the Church could pick up a few ‘lost souls’ on Sunday morning but Sister Hurley dismisses the notion. “Father Murphy was distressed to find a couple of singles tucked into his cassock. Those guys were cheapskates!”