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Single in the city

Appreciating being single is acquired with both age and experience. My mother is 45, divorced and happily single.  With no ones permission needed, she does whatever it is that she desires to do every single day. From going out with friends to staying in and curling up in her yoga pants with her favorite shows and multiple pets, she is absolutely thrilled with being single.  How does one get to the point in their life where they are no longer broken hearted by being single? Her answer would be, lots of life experience and a little common sense.

Being in a relationship should never be looked at as a right, but as a privilege.  By earning the level of self-appreciation and personal health (from emotional to internal) a relationship will become more appreciated than obsessed over.  So, how do you become successful in being single? Here's a few tips.

  1. Break up with bad dating habits. These bad habits are anything from desperately searching bar after bar with someone to take you home and make you feel pretty to dating people you know will never work out.  Settling with someone you're not that into will not only do the opposite of what you're looking for but when it ends (and it will end) you'll have set yourself back.
  2. Break up with bad partners.  If you're with someone for the sake of being in a relationship, you're there for the wrong reasons. Fabricating feelings and conjuring up happiness is not only ineffective but it's short lived.  Being with someone to fill a void in your life is like watering a dead plant.  It's time to reflect on yourself as a "gardener" and throw out the wilted peace lilly.  By peace lilly I mean that guy/girl you're seeing.
  3. Forget about dating! Believe it or not, there are other hobbies out there other than speed dating.  I call it speed dating because it's almost unbelievable how quickly these relationships begin and end.  Next time you consider entering into one of these relationships, ask yourself if this is really what you want.  If you're not sure, it's not worth it.
  4. Stop trying to rush it.  You're never to old to find love, nor are you too busy.  It happens when it happens, effortlessly and for the right reasons.  The best relationships are formed when you have little to nothing to do with their development.  Don't tell your date what you think they want to hear, don't make things up to be more compatible.  If you don't like rock climbing and hiking, don't say that you do.  Otherwise you could spend the next month and a half with someone passionate about these things.  You'll be dragging along behind them wearing a back pack full of self pitty and eventually you'll part ways. This brings you back to square one every time.
  5. Last but not least, figure yourself out.  This isn't about going into isolation and exploring the caverns of your subconscious. This only means, figure out what is important to you.  Make a list if you have to and hang it somewhere visible.  Do things for yourself and eventually you'll bump into that someone special, doing the same things you enjoy. 

Being single isn't a punishment. It's a time for self-improvement and self-love.  Give your heart what it needs not what it thinks it wants.  It's amazing what will come to those who wait.

Contact Emily at shes_not_write@yahoo.com

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