Simple math

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Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have? Why does one minus a 'plus one' feel like it adds up to zero? -Sex and the City

Even through this economic slump it seems as though the most fortunate view themselves as inadequate. How do such beautiful, strong, successful, independent women feel as though they are not complete, without someone else?

Sure, a partner brings certain pleasures that a paying job can’t. And maybe you are not sexually attracted to your friends – but when did two positives start outweighing one “negative.”

When asking my [beautiful, strong, successful, independent] single go-to the same question, she details:

“I think it brings me down because having a successful and loving relationship is the most important aspect of life, more so than money, etc. After everything that can go wrong; whether it is losing a loved one, losing your job or whatever it is, it is that someone that is always there, and in a different way than a really good friend. It is knowing that someone loves you, in all ways.”

As the annoying, non-single friend I can’t help but refer to the widely regarded English proverb and respond, “All good things come to those who wait.”

But of course, that didn’t help.

I then received this note, from yet another [beautiful, strong, successful, independent] single Portland resident.

At 24, I already have my dream job, house, car, pet, and social life. My friends and family are the best. I've found myself thinking, "My life is perfect. It's everything I want it to be." Then I remember that there is actually one more thing that could make it better...and that is having someone I love to share it with.

I know I don't need a man. I am single now and very happy as is. It's nice to be able to think and act only for myself. I've definitely gotten a lot farther in life that way, to that perfect set-up. I enjoy the freedom and the excitement of single life. But I am ready to add a boyfriend. I've been in a great long-term relationship before, and it does add something special that single life doesn't.

My friends usually fill that void, so I barely notice that my life is lacking anything. But, every once in a while, I notice I'm missing opportunities. My friends and I don't have all the same interests, but my boyfriends--and the boys trying to be my boyfriends--have consistently been the people who do the things that I like to do, even if it is just to make me happy. In a relationship, your partner puts more thought and effort in than most friends do. It's not that they love you any less, just that it's hard to give that much to all your friends all of the time. Your partner compromises and completes you in a way that is harder for your pals. If you don't have that, you're missing out on something. Without them, you don't do the things that are weird or scary to do alone. You could say that I just need more friends with similar interests, but there's even more to it than that. You can't get the same kind or amount of sex, love, and affection that you can in a relationship. And, instead of two awesome lives blending together, you only have your own. For a girl so goal-oriented, finding that special someone to bring even more to my life (and give even more to theirs) is the ultimate aim.

Signed, your single and now depressed friend.

So, after successfully depressing one of the few confident, I did a little research.

“It’s a fact of human nature,” a source states. “Mankind has never been content. In some ways that is good, and in a lot of others, it is bad.”

This was then noted, “One of the necessary things for a happy life is to have the proper balance of desire to do better and contentment with what you have. Those that never desire to do better generally fail to accomplish anything, and those that are constantly focused on what they don't have can never really be happy.”

Sold.

While self motivation acts as a positive drive when wanting to better oneself, falling short - even just one digit - can be discouraging, especially when it comes to dating. Therefore, we need to draw a solid line. Feeling as though when one needs another in order to be happy - and complete - is disconcerting. Rather than dwelling on the all-too-common miscalculations of life, focus on what does add up.

Positive thinking leads to a positive outcome; and although there is no definitive answer, remember that each plus one adds up to something even greater.

Remember: 1 + 1 > 1 + 1 - 1

Who knew simple math would influence the way you view dating?

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