We tend to think of borderline personality disorder as predominantly affecting women, in truth there may be just as many borderline men in the dating pool. If you are a single woman pursuing a long-term relationship, and you have gotten yourself involved with a borderline male, you may want to rethink your choice.
The term “borderline” was coined in 1938 by psychoanalyst Adolph Stern to describe "women" who were seen as generally neurotic (anxious) but not quite psychotic (out of touch with reality), and therefore on the border between the two. In reality, borderlines rarely have psychotic breaks. The majority tend to be high functioning and can easily blend in with any crowd. In fact those with bpd, are sometimes referred to as chameleons, because of their ability to become who they need to be.
Although borderline men can seem quite normal at first, in time you will discover that a relationship with this man is anything but normal.
The Ten Signs:
1. Comes on very strong and romantic. Borderline men tend to be very sensitive and romantic. In a sense, they are addicted to the notion of romance and love. Initially this can be one of the more alluring qualities of these men. You may even think, "this guy sounds too good to be true." (And just as with all things that sound too good to be true, so is the male borderline.)
2. Quick to declare his love. A borderline man will sometimes profess his love on a first or second date. In truth, borderline men either have a distorted idea of love, or simply do not know what real love is. It's not that they are necessarily trying to be deceitful, it's just that their idea of love is a very immature one.
3. Substance abuse issues, including alcohol, and drugs like cocaine, marijuana, and all types of pills. Chemical addiction among borderline men is very common. This male is essentially self-medicating himself in order to soothe his deep emotional pain and his feelings of being unlovable.
4. Overly jealous. Borderline men are very insecure despite their apparent confidence. In relationships, they will react with hostility and jealousy around other males. Borderline men are overly possessive and and exhibit "inappropriate jealousy", meaning they will even become jealous over women that they are not even involved with.
5. Grandiose. Borderline men tend to be very boastful. They are grandiose in the way they think and talk about themselves. They will brag, exaggerate, and lie about their accomplishments and their abilities. In reality this is merely an attempt to compensate for a very fragile ego.
6. Great lovers. Borderline men tend to be hyper-sexual or even sexually addicted. Women describe them as fantastic and very giving in the bedroom. Since borderline men are generally incapable of true intimacy they will often use sex as a replacement for intimacy or love. In addition, a borderline man will use sex as a way of winning or securing a woman.
7. The suggestion of a breakup sends him off the "deep end". At the heart of borderline personality disorder is the issue of abandonment. Any indication of a breakup, whether real or perceived, will activate fear, anger, and great sadness in a borderline male. He will even preemptively end a relationship if he feels that a breakup is imminent.
8. Impulsive and reckless. Impulsivity is another hallmark feature of this disorder. This can include things like excessive gambling, promiscuous and unprotected sex, reckless driving, excessive spending, driving while intoxicated, frequent drug use.
9. Bad temper. Because of his lack of self-esteem and his feelings of "insecurity" borderline men are highly sensitive to real or perceived slights or criticisms. In the face of criticism he will often respond with great anger and his anger will often be well out of proportion for the situation.
10. Frequent mood swings. Rapidly changing moods are very common with borderline disorder. This male can go from feeling confident and arrogant to insecure, anxious, and depressed within hours.
Men who suffer with borderline personality disorder are not bad people and they are not out to hurt women. In truth, they are simply looking for love and acceptance like most people. However, bpd is a potentially serious psychiatric disorder that requires the treatment of a mental health professional.
No woman or relationship can be a substitute for professional treatment. If a woman believes that she can “fix” or “rescue” this male then she is wasting her time. There is no amount of love, patience, or empathy that can fill this man's emotional emptiness.
Borderline Males on TV and Movies:
Bryan Cranston’s character in “Breaking Bad”, William Baldwin's character in “Sliver”, Rob Lowe’s character in “Bad Influence”, Michael Douglas’s character in “A Perfect Murder.”
Source material: Sandra Rose, PhD; Psychology Today; Shari Schreiber, M.A.
