Recently we read about whether parents should read their child's diary or journal. With the advances of technology, we need to take this a step further: Should you read their emails or text messages?
Again we can go back to "when safety trumps privacy."
Our teens deserve to be trusted unless they give us reason to suspect something is wrong. Is their behavior changing? Here is a review of some warning signs (many are the same to determine if you should read their diaries).
- Is your teen becoming very secretive? Sure, teens do like their privacy, however if you have a "gut feeling" something is deeper than a secret, you may have to cross that line.
- Is your teen becoming withdrawn? Again, teens will develop some attitudes of not wanting to be with adults, however when it becomes extreme, it may be time to cross that line.
- Is your teen changing peer groups? And this is not into a better one, however to one that is less than desirable? You will again attempt to talk to your teen and find out why and what happened to the other friends.
- Is your teens eating habits changing?
- Is your teen sleeping a lot? Bloodshot eyes? Do you suspect drug use?
- Is your teen sneaking out? Becoming extremely defiant? Not respecting your boundaries?
- Are they overly protective of their cell phones or computer?
- Do they hide their cell phones?
- Are they anxious when at their computer, seem fearful, attempt to hide their incoming emails?
- Overall, is your teen slowly becoming a child you don't recognize?
Like with determining if you should invade their privacy with their journals or diary, unless your teen or tween gives you good reason to read their private text and emails, as parents, we should respect their privacy.
When it comes to younger children, under 10 years old, parents should always be allowed to see what they are doing. Most younger children are usually not as protective as teens or tweens. As a responsible parent, you will know when there are red flags or warning signs and you need to step in.
Keeping an open dialog with your tweens and teens is critical. Letting them know you are there for them as well as talking to them about the issues of sexting, cyberbullying, predators and other areas of concern.
Should you read your child's emails or text messages? Only you can answer that.
Be an educated parent, you will have safer children.
Comments
I very much agree with your reminder: Again we can go back to "when safety trumps privacy."
And also that the decision to read your child's e-mails and text messages is a personal one - it depends on your relationship with your child, the child's history and personality, etc. It certainly is a challenge to keep a very open relationship and positive communication with your child throughout the teenage years.
For our family, an acceptance that the parents would read e-mails and text messages from time to time was a prerequisite to getting the cell phone; e-mail accounts.
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You know, it really does come down to trust. Unfortunately, if you are constantly monitoring their communications, even staying in the same room while they're on the phone, then they think you don't trust them. You have to wonder how much damage that does in the long run.
I could not disagree more! We learned the hard way that a parent needs to monitor the internet and texts or not provide these things to their child. We are programed to keep a watchful eye and ear out for signs of trouble; an inappropriate looking individul, and via fellow parents to keep tap on dangerous . trends. But the internet brings invisible predators into our childrens lives and all too often we are told that moodiness or withdrawal is normal. I think it is irresponsible to lull parents into some false sense of security that leads to no monitoring. This is especially true at at time when many teens are disinfranchised at school, do nothave a group of friends and who might not be popular. These are the ones who are most at risl and the ones who do not have a crowd that provides a visual norm. Lastly, a child may get introduced to some abberant behavior that the parent is not aware of or on the lookout for. If you have internet and cell phones at their access you MUST monitor.
My advice, don't do it. Our son has not said a word to us in 4 years. Actually he hasn't said much to anyone. His psychologist said that he became emotionally scarred and this lead him to be untrusting to anyone but himself. She said the only place he feels safe is inside his own mind.
I finally figured out how to keep my parents from going through my text messages. I downloaded a program from Faketexts.com and it hides the iPhone SMS button and replaces it with a fake one that you can edit. Basically it doesn't show the parents I am talking to just go to Faketexts.com on your iPhone.
What the...? Was this written by the Daily Mail? Truly horrifying stance - I hope you never have children, or if you already do, they disown you as a parent.
WELL MY CHILD IS 17,WE RECENTLY READ HER TEXT IN FRONT OF HER ,FOUND OUT SHE WISHED WE WEAR DEAD,AND SHE WAS TELLING HER BF ALL THIS,AND TELLING HIM THAT SHE HAD TOLD US TO GO TO H...... ,AND IT WASN'T TRUE. THEN WE READ HER DIARY AND FOUND OUT SHE WAS SCARED OF HIM
CURSING AND BEING MEAN TO HER.SHE SAID HE 'S NOT, BUT HER DIARY TELLS DIFFERENT. AT FIRST WE TOLD HER SHE WAS'NT SEEING HIM ANYMORE THEN WE REALIZED IT SHOULD BE HER MAKING THAT DIS. SHE WAS GROUNDED FOR TWO DAYS FOR HER MOUTH AND ALSO TELLING TALES.BUT I STILL
FEEL I HAVE LOST. WHAT SHOULD I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT.
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