It's not easy finding "the one." For some, it's actually quite difficult and frustrating. When it comes to relationships, everyone's got a preference. While looking for a potential suitor, some people prefer to start off with a clean slate. They meet someone, talk, go on several dates and eventually find themselves in a loving, caring relationship. Others, prefer to have a friendship established before they dive into romantic exclusivity. There's no right or wrong answer as to which way is the better way to start off a relationship: friends then lovers, or lovers from the start. Let's explore the perks and disadvantages of both:
Starting off romantic: Dating someone you just met can be scary or brilliantly fun. An advantage to dating fresh is that automatically you're going to start off tabula rasa. Unless you were set up on a blind date, after meeting a person, something about you must have intrigued and attracted them in some way or they wouldn't have asked you out on a date. That's a good start. You really shouldn't have any judgments going into the date because you don't really know the person. That's the fun/scary part; you don't know them, so you don't know whether or not they hate your favorite Dave Matthews Band song, speak Creole, are a compulsive liar, are convinced they are Rocky Balboa, are still in love with their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, hunt for sport and so forth.
After several dates, you might realize you have so much in common with this person, and you can't imagine how you've lived your life for so long without this person. That would be lovely. However, after several dates you might realize you both have nothing in common and there's no spark. That stinks, although there is a plus side. If it doesn't work out between you both, you can just stop talking and resume life as if you both never met. There's no messy cleanup or tangles within your lives, because you guys haven't known each other that long.
Starting off romantic is a coin toss: heads it will work out, tails it won't. The riskiness of dating someone new can only be deemed a good thing or bad thing over time because every dating experience is different.
Starting off friends: First comes friendship, then comes love and marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. A pro for this category is that the friends know and trust one another. Being friends means you have an upper hand in the fact that you both have a good knowledge of each others flaws, weaknesses, peeves, good qualities, if they are dependable or ambitious, that they are not a serial killer, and you know, all the sorts of things friends know about one another. It's nice when for instance on your first official date, as your partner usually would opt for dinner and a stroll on the Nautical Mile in Freeport, that he/she instead brings you to dinner and a Yankee game. He/she does this because they know you hate fish, and that you'd trade your bank account for a handshake from Derek Jeter. That kind of knowledge can come in really handy.
Other knowledge however, can sometimes be detrimental. It can actually stop a friendship from becoming romantic dead in its track. For example, if one of the two people has had every past relationship they've ever been in end because they cheat, that's something that might harm their chance at moving up in the friend-to-lovers-world.
Another downside is that once you date someone that was previously your friend, if it doesn't work out, it's hard to bounce back into the friendship zone. Often when it ends, it ends everything, so not only did you lose a potential girlfriend/boyfriend, but also a good friend.
Another advantage however in the friends first category, is that usually when two friends decide to take their friendship to the next level, because they are already so comfortable with one another, their romantic relationship tends to progress faster. Meaning, as opposed to meeting someone new, being in a relationship for a few years before getting engaged and so on, usually between friends since they have had a couple years under their belt from their friendship, they tend to get serious at a much faster rate.
Both situations have their pros, cons, and some similarities. It really depends upon the person and their preference. Some people value their friendships far too much to risk it, while others will only date someone they know they can trust and that they know they thoroughly enjoy spending time with.
