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Should we be searching for our perfect mate or our perfect self?

Be your perfect self.
Be your perfect self.
<p><a href="">Image: Danilo Rizzuti /</a></p>

Singles spend an extraordinary amount of time searching for the perfect mate, only to be disappointed time and time again. We search for a round peg for a round hole. Our list of criteria grows over the years of failed relationships. When you look at the bios on any of the dating sites, they are flooded with proclamations of refusals to entertain problems of their past. ‘No liars’, ‘no cheaters’, ‘no games please’, ‘fit and toned only’, ‘no couch potatoes’ I actually saw one that said “must have good hygiene’!! Not sure what happened there, but it is evident that as we move on, we keep adding to our list of Must Have Qualities.

Recently, as I was proudly detailing my own established list to my mother, she gave me a slightly amused raise of the eyebrows and pointed out that my list pretty much excluded most people…men and women. Huh. Do I dare evaluate my own qualities close enough to determine if I would fit into my own perfect little package? Could I measure up to the perfect mate I was trying to find? As I started to mentally check off my own list, I had to hesitate on a few points. It is not that I think I wouldn’t qualify for my Must Haves, but I found myself hedging on some or explaining away on others. Why are we able to justify our own shortcomings, but feel we need to be stringent with others?

Maybe the list we should be making is a list of qualities we want to live up to. Maybe if we spent a little more time dissecting ourselves and making ourselves into the person our list demands, we can begin to attract people with the qualities we desire most. Maybe we should first be searching for our perfect self so when we find our perfect mate, they will recognize us.


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  • Wise Lady in L A 5 years ago

    Yes, maybe we should all remove the blinders

  • Jerseygirl 5 years ago

    "In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they're still beautiful." (Alice Walker)

    As LA Lady says, remove those blinders! See and celebrate the contorted bent trees in your life.

  • Sunshine 5 years ago

    WOW! I think this article should be posted on all dating sights! Great Advice Victoria Centorrino.

  • dancin jv in new jersey 5 years ago

    That was a wonderful article. Now if only we could really take the advice!

  • Hank Mardukas 5 years ago

    I thought the artical was very well writen and very true.

  • Selena 5 years ago

    Couldn't have said it better.....

  • Happyboy 5 years ago

    You will never find the perfect "mate". Thats why we should all just MATE

  • happychick 5 years ago

    I agree with the happyboy!! Lets do it!