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Should a woman make the first move?


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Dear KD,

I actually think that you very correct in your opinion of what men see when they see a woman.  My question to you is what is too much and what is not enough?  I think that often times more attention is given to the woman who puts it all out there than the woman who tends to be more reserved in dress as well as attitude.  By the same token I think that the same should be said to men.  If I see a man who wears pants that are 2 sizes too large and sag in the back I am going to think that you are trying to be "hard" or you are very young, if not in years then in mentality.

Also I would like to have your opinion on women making the first move.  I have felt in the past that it was very forward of a woman to approach a man, but lately that has changed.  A friend once told me that "A closed mouth doesn't get fed" so if you find someone attractive should you make the first move? Are men, in your opinion, into women being the aggressor?


Dear Ms. Lady Reader,

Quality women don’t need to do much to get our attention.  Real women, women who respect themselves and demand respect,  these women are confident enough to understand that all they need do is walk in a room and whatever they want, they can pretty much have.  

If all you’re looking for is attention, then yes, by all means, go streaking down Broad Street at high noon and find the man of your dreams; it may not get you lasting love, but you will definitely get attention.

But, if you want respect and a good companion then you need to keep some of those goodies a mystery.

When a woman is comfortable in her own skin, knows what she wants, and knows how to go get it; then no, there is nothing wrong with her making the first move. Most of the time it fuels our fire.

It’s always inviting when a woman approaches a man. But there are boundaries that you have to be sure you don’t cross. It doesn’t take much for our egos to go through the roof especially if you’re well put together. Be subtle in your approach. Get to know him. And keep the conversation easy.  Let him figure you out. Men like to play the field and when you’re up at bat the harder you swing the more we throw.

The problem with some who want to be the aggressor is they try and take the place of a man. I can’t tell you how many women I’ve dated who lied to themselves and said “I don’t need no man to do nothing for me”. That is the last thing men want to hear; it switches our agenda. The game changes from ‘let me see where this goes’ to ‘let me see how quick I can hit it and quit it’.  

The bottom line is this, men need to – no scratch that – we HAVE to feel needed. And if a woman is so independent and free that she spends her energy trying to outdo a man, then the potential for a relationship of substance becomes nothing more than a competitive game of wits, and whoever outlast the other, wins - then it's game over.

And on this last note, if you see one of those thuggish ruggish bums in clown pants – the only advice I can offer is  – RUN. Run like your life depended on it, because it just might. If a man doesn't respect himself enough to know when his teenage years are over, then you need to ask yourself if he's worth being around in the first place.

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