I have a problem maintaining relationships without having those dang butterflies swarming in the pit of my stomach ... that SCANDAL type of passion. That fluttering I normally get when I meet a fiery “bad boy” who seems coy and a little mysterious, who's not always available, and who talks a good game ... the one I have to play that cat and mouse game with. I know that I deserve someone whom I can love without the drama and sleepless nights and I do want a healthy relationship, but how can I live without that intense swarming passion? Dyin-to-b-OLIVIA
Ms. Olivia WannaB,
Check this out ....
Passion: an ardent desire, lustful attraction; desperate longing. Intense unrequited passion is fire. You play with this type of fire, you get burned. Haven’t many of us been burned?
Some women love men who keep them guessing. These men are unable to legitimately connect for whatever reason, are self-absorbed, cocky and because of the passion we feel, are always a great lay… even if they really aren’t.
We crave the “bad boy” we can never truly conquer. The “SCANDAL” roller coaster ride is exciting, until it stops. Once we get off, we’re dizzy and left standing alone, broke busted and disgusted ... having spent our rent money ensuring that we had expensive Victoria Secret underwear, clothing, wine, a great selection of movies and a variety of food to prepare for the booty call visits, when really, the only thing he cared about was sex. In hindsight, all we had to do was ensure that we had a bar of soap to ensure our cleanliness.
As women, we want the passion that a “bad boy” brings, minus all that drama. But ladies, I hate to burst your bubble. You will NEVER find the passion with a legitimate man that a drama filled bad boy brings, because all that drama is what makes the butterflies flutter in the first freakin' place .... and guess what? The feelings that you have for men you meet under these circumstances will NEVER truly be reciprocated nor will any semblance of a relationship end well.
When a man meets a woman, he instantly knows where she stands. If he determines that she's going to be the woman he takes home to mom, he will not be coy or tell her that he doesn't want a relationship early on. He'll call her when he says he's going to and will not diss - appear. The category he puts her in at the beginning, no matter what the middle brings, will always be the end game. Most likely, if you start out as a piece on the side, you will always end up a piece on the side, no matter what the wild courtship period brings.
Women want to say that all men are dogs. The problem is NOT that all men are dogs, it's that women try to form relationships with men who are unavailable. A woman desires an unavailable man because either she has a deep seeded fear of commitment, a fear of changing her “comfortable” lifestyle, lacks self respect / self love and/ or is dealing with some serious “daddy issues.”
Most dysfunctional women and men have experienced long term dysfunctional relationships themselves or grew up in households with fathers or mothers who were either non-emotional, elusive, violent, nonexistent, etc. For these reasons, they were programmed to believe that love hurts or they're clueless about relationships in general. The only way an individual can get past the dysfunction is to step back and take time to re-program their ideologies of love via self evaluation and/ or intense therapy.
Sweetie, by taking baby steps, you’ll find that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just as you practiced desiring men who do not desire you, you can practice desiring men who want to love and respect you!
But to be honest, trying to deal with a man who wants YOU may be hard in the beginning, due to the lack of "bad boy butterflies, “ but don’t hesitate … just jump right in and start with the next upstanding man you meet (the no butterfly man) who seems interested in getting to know you. Be honest with him and tell him about your dysfunctions early on. He'll probably remain interested, because as the viscous cycle goes, he'll want to conquer YOU.
Go ahead ... you really don’t have anything to lose. If he still wants to hang in there, he’s definitely the perfect prospect to begin your journey of maturity that will eventually culminate in you finding mutual love and the respect that you soooo deserve!
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