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Shawn Porter: Whacks Paulie Malignaggi for Manny Pacquiao

"Oh sh*t! Paulie swims with the fishes!!" says Paulie Malignaggi's side-piece Jessica (or whoever the hoochie was he apparently shared with hoodlum and degenerate Adrien Broner).

Shawn Porter beats the hell out of Paulie Malignaggi, and Manny Pacquiao loved it.
Photo by Rob Carr

"What the hell is this?" says an anonymous male side-piece of the side-piece.

"Its a Sicilian message, it means Paulie got his ass kicked!" says uh, "Jessica" (I don't really know what her name was, but like, who cares?)

See, I had this *WILD* dream immediately after watching the big-mouthed Brookyn native take a surprising beating at the hands of IBF welterweight champion Shawn Porter, in what really amounted to his coming out party.

This, at the expense of the faucet mouthed Malignaggi- which probably still can't stop leaking even after Porter shoved both of his Everlast gloves down his throat.

Everyone knows by now (unless your from Mars) that Paulie Malignaggi had a few reasonably ridiculous things to say about Manny Pacquiao. The same Pacquiao he had accused of steroid use, and the same Pacquiao he declared wasn't really even close to a great fighter prior to running roughshod over Timothy Bradley (um... again).

I like Paulie, I really do, but he offers proof of karma's unfailing penchant for payback.

In truth, Pacquiao would've slaughtered Malignaggi in a much more comprehensive fashion. Say over maybe 8 or 9 punishing rounds of the bloody, both eyes closed and badly beaten variety. What Porter did to him was getting off kind of easy in comparison to what Pacquiao would have done.

The irony is, he thought he was getting off easy in selecting Porter to face, which is why he felt it was so easy to dial up dumb ass comments about the worth of Porter's now legendary sparring sessions with Pacquiao.

In dismissing Pacquiao as nothing, he essentially labeled Porter nothing, which is exactly why he took the beating of his life. Porter went absolutely Jack Dempsey on Paulie, mauling him from the start with a torrent of blows without mercy, knowing Paulie had nothing in his arsenal to keep him at bay.

Somewhere in the near future Paulie will begin calling fights again with Showtime with renewed humility. At least I hope from here on out he will. He overachieved in a career that allowed him to become a world champion multiple times, and hang with the elite of the sport.

But it is time for him to retire.

He can now look forward to calling a fight between Porter and the increasingly dominate Keith Thurman (this fight makes perfect sense- right now), as they usher in a new era for the welterweight division. But before that, he may sit ringside with a headset on and witness the bombing of Floyd Mayweather at the hands of the lethal punching Marcos Maidana.

I've never known of a crass personality surviving this sport unscathed without crashing, and somewhere in the Phillipines, Manny Pacquiao (along with wife Jinkee) was probably holding his newest family edition (baby boy Israel) and smiling while watching Malignaggi simulate a drunken clubgoer thrown out on his ass.

This coming fall (September to be exact), Pacquiao may get a chance to demonstrate another variety of shock to the loud-mouthed Floyd Mayweather should he survive Maidana.

2014 may prove to be redemption for some, and repentance for others.

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