As we approach the national day of remembrance for infant and pregnancy loss on Oct 15th, Marcia McGinnis of SHARE Atlanta states: “Grief begins the minute you find out something is wrong with your baby when you are expecting a normal pregnancy.”
Marcia McGinnis is the co-founder of SHARE Atlanta, a group that supports families as they learn how to cope with the grief of losing a baby. I had the pleasure of sitting down with her to discuss all that Share does for the hurting families of Atlanta. Here’s some of what Mrs. McGinnis had to say:
Why was SHARE Atlanta created?
Marcia: I suffered two losses through miscarriage and after the miscarriages, I remember being crushed. This was a crushing reality for me and my husband. We had a subsequent son then we suffered another loss “Seth” who was born at full term but died due to anencephaly. After that I thought I could go out into the world, and make it all right like I did with the first two losses, but it didn’t happen that way. I hit a wall of pain and grief that I couldn’t get through. I had a three year old that I wanted to love and embrace, but I couldn’t do that. I sought support from a woman who was recommended to me by a nurse. Her name was Joan. I can remember thinking that she was going to think that I’m crazy when I tell her what I was going through. I called her and said: I know you’re going to think I’m crazy, but I really need some support. Her answer to me was: “I don’t think you’re crazy, I lost my baby and I thought I was going crazy!” At that moment, she validated that my grief was normal, and that I would survive my grief, and that’s what I needed more than anything! This is what we do at Share.
Can you address how dads and children deal with the loss of a baby?
Our dad’s at SHARE are hurting just like the moms, but dads deal with hurt differently. Dads hurt over their loss, but they are more physical, they may go play a game of basketball to cope, and the wife thinks that he isn’t sensitive to the reality of their loss, but this is how he copes. For dads it’s two things to deal with: their loss, and the fact that they just want their wife whole again. Children learn to deal with loss from the parent’s example. We try to encourage parents to a place where they can talk about the child that they lost with peace and comfort, and when they are able to do that, they can pass the beautiful memory or legacy of this child on to their children.
What is the Angel Memorial?
This is our recognition service that we have on the fourth Sunday of October at the Arlington Memorial in Sandy Springs, Ga. to celebrate the life of our babies.
In our service, families share poetry and stories of their child or children. We read the names of our babies during the litany, and at the end we release balloons up to heaven in honor of our babies.
The families of Atlanta are lucky to have Marcia McGinnis and the many volunteers who help support these families in this very critical time as they travel from pain to healing! For further information about meeting times, and the Angel Memorial Service go to the SHARE Atlanta webpage. For a national guide to support go to the National Share webpage.
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