From birth to age six is the amount of time that most thought systems are formed. Judgments and belief systems are deeply embedded in the conscious of the young. Impressions are formed around what is right or wrong, what is good or evil, what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior.
Your strengths and weaknesses, the joys and sorrows are all based on what you believed to be true from the very early stages of your life.
Christians call it the age of reason, Jews call Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah it the giving clarity or distinction to what is “right” or what is “wrong. Fortunately or not, what is right or wrong is usually determined by what your parent and/or guardians decided what is right or wrong.
For example, how old were you when your mom or dad told you that boys play with fire trucks, and girls play with dolls. How about, girls don’t climb trees, and boys don’t take ballet! You are a sissy or a tomboy, if your interest deviate from the categories defined from the blue boys book or the Emily Post manual of etiquette for little girls.
And these patterns are developed from “functional” families! What about the dysfunctional? This is where shame becomes a dangerous game. Father’s program their daughters to be princesses expecting something for nothing. Daddy says, find a man that will take care of you like I do, then he turns around and tells his son, don’t be a sucker and fall for any game some chick tries to run on you! Mixed Messages?
This culture traditionally differentiates between the have and the have not’s based on race, religion, what you do, where you live, where you go to school, who your daddy is, what kind of work he does, is your mom a stay at home mom or does she “have” to work? Blame and shame is a dangerous game that so often has nothing to do with your ability and everything to do with your pedigree.
Most of you have developed your belief systems not only from what you mom or dad tell you but also from what you see in and around your household. Emotional abuse is the subtle, insidious breaking down of the spirit. In some studies it has been determined that emotional abuse is equal to or greater than physical abuse because the emotional scares can’t be seen by the naked eye.
The trouble with the game of shame is that it has two affects, 1 you either succumb to the abuse by turning towards destructive things or 2 you become driven to prove that you are worry or that you can do anything in spite of what others think.
These patterns effect every aspect of your health and wellness. The anxiety and depression that comes from not measuring up leads to all kinds of illnesses from high blood pressure to heart Dis-Ease, from anorexia or bulimia, to morbid obesity, shame is a dangerous thing.
The greatest gift you can give yourself, is to be the best YOU you can be, in other words be an original not a copy! Let the world know there ain’t no shame in your game!