Jess writes:
I am 22 and broke off with my first boyfriend about 6 months ago. We have been [friends] ever since. The reason why I broke off with him was because we didn't hang out often and started acting different. I tried to find out what the deal was but he kept on saying that everything was alright and I was "tripping". I always try to be very friendly to everyone I know, but for some reason I'm still mad at him for not trusting me. I guess he didn't really like me, because when I see him at church he talks to other girls even though I'm right next to him. What should I do?
First off, you might want to check out some of my previous responses, dealing with similar topics like friendship after breakups, and hurt sometimes experienced in post-breakup friendships.
It sounds like you tried to communicate during the relationship when you sensed change and possible problems, which is a good thing to do. It's sad but true that in relationships, people do sometimes start to act differently and feel differently about the relationship, sometimes for unexplained reasons. The best thing is to talk about it. It doesn't sound like he took your concerns seriously-- if this is the case, that's too bad.
Unfortunately, whether or not it's completely respectful to your feelings, "talking to other girls", or flirting with people in front of you, an ex, is fairly common. There can be countless reasons for doing this-- he could be trying to "rub it in your face" that he's moving on, or he could be simply disregarding or even not realizing how it effects you. It may not be about you, but just that he wants to converse with others, too. Ultimately, talking/flirting with others in front of you doesn't mean he "didn't really like" you previously. It only means that what you had with him is over now.
If what you mean is that he completely ignores you while standing right next to you, that's another matter. That would, again, be his way of coping with the breakup. In that case, you could try speaking to him first, and tell him, upfront, that there's no need to stop talking to you completely. You could let him know something like: I'm fine if you don't want to be friends, but I'd appreciate it if you're civil to me.
I'd have to know more details to really suggest what you "should do", generally, but you know yourself better than anyone. Really consider how you're feeling about the situation, focusing especially on why you feel angry with him. With time you should be able to figure out what you need to do to move past the relationship, and feel more comfortable about your situation with him. Best of luck!
Remember, if you have a sex or relationship question, send it in to lenajudith@gmail.com, and make sure to write what you'd like to be referred to as (first name, first initial, or anonymously).
If you enjoyed this article, you might also like:
Closing the gap: Ideas for precious visiting time in long-distance relationships
Top ten signs you're in a healthy relationship
Best breakup songs (for different breakup occasions)
Comments