The following 7 stages of grief are normal in the healing process. No two people deal with grief in the same way or within the same time frame. But you must walk through the pain to get to the other side, then and only then can you find peace and joy in your heart again. Stuffing doesn’t work. It only keeps you stuck in the past.
1. NUMBNESS, DENIAL & SHOCK
Leaning of a loss leaves a numbed feeling.
Denying at some level, avoiding the pain.
Experiencing shock - an emotional protection from harboring and enduring the impact of the pain all at once.
(This process may last weeks or longer.)
2. PAIN & GUILT
Shock subsides, and is replaced with unthinkable pain.
Pain needs to be experienced fully, not avoided, or suppressed through the use of alcohol or drugs.
Guilt feelings may arise over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one.
Chaotic and scary feelings can encompass your life during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING
Frustrations can consume you.
Deep feelings of anger can emerge.
Unhealthy choices may be made - lashing out and laying unwarranted blame on another person.
Awareness of your internal shift is necessary or damage to existing relationships can occur.
Questioning fate, “Why me?”
Bargaining with your higher power to reverse the situation, so life can return to the old way.
4. DEPRESSION, LONELINESS, REFLECTION
The true magnitude of your loss is realized, and depression can set in.
Long periods of sad reflection can overtake you.
Isolation from others is possible as you reflect on memories of the past.
Emptiness or despair can consume you.
(This is a normal stage of grief. Don’t allow anyone to talk you out of it.)
5. THE UPWARD TURN
Adjusting to life without your loved one.
Becoming calmer and more organized.
Lessening of your physical symptoms.
Lifting of depression.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
Becoming more functional.
Seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one.
Starting to work on practical and financial problems.
Reconstructing your new life.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
Accepting and dealing with the reality of your situation.
Finding a way to move comfortable and wholly into your “new-normal.”
Moving forward and planning for the future.
Thinking about your loved one without pain.
Anticipating good times to come.
Finding peace and joy in your life again.
Support groups can help you through the grieving process.
Recommended sites:
www.griefHaven.org or hope@griefHaven.org
http://www.musckids.com/ourservices/supportgroups.html
http://www.foundationforgrievingchildren.org/blog/grief-support-services-children/
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