You could be quite content as a single person managing everything from your career, to kids, to a social calendar, yet when you see a happy couple-- your heart sinks.
"It's the one thing missing" you think to yourself, and then confusion clouds your head as you ponder, "why am I still single?"
There's nothing technically wrong with you-- you're attractive enough, smart enough and you're certainly not "crazy." So what's the deal?
Don't feel jaded-- many singles are having those same thoughts! Here's a list of a few reasons why you may still be single:
- You have a bad attitude about dating. If you consider "all men jerks" or believe "women only want to use you," then guess what? The opposite sex will pick up on that vibe-- and it's really unattractive! Solution: date for fun without expectations to avoid disappointment. Be patient and open up your point of view. Seek therapy if you can't resolve issues from the past, or hire a dating coach to help you navigate the dating scene.
- You're not social enough. Unless you're hoping the pizza delivery person or plumber asks you out, your chances of meeting someone while vegetating at home are slim to none. Solution: try finding a group to meet with, like on Meetup.com, that shares common interests as you. Browse your city's website to see any social events coming up or if there's any volunteer opportunities you'd be interested in helping out with. Why not take a class at a community college for a hobby you're interested in?
- You don't have enough free time in your schedule. If you're working full time during the week and freelancing evenings and weekends, don't be shocked that your dating prospects can't fit into your limited time. Solution: time to rethink your priorities. If your work consumes most of your time, you won't be able to manage dating or a relationship. Try to lighten up your work load or switch to a schedule that frees up "normal" dating times (like evenings or weekends).
- Your kids are your universe. It's one thing to put your kids first, but if you're using your parenting as a crutch to avoid making an intimate connection with a dating prospect, you're probably not ready to start a new relationship. Solution: talk to other parents in your social circle about swapping babysitting for date nights. Look into Care.com. All it takes is some asking around to find someone who can help you become more independent from your kids. Having a love interest doesn't mean forsaking your kids, so stop guilt-tripping yourself out of dating prospects.
- You continually seek the "wrong type." You may not even be aware of doing so, but a poor choice of a certain "type" you're interested in could be sabotaging you from finding a love connection. Solution: take a realistic look at what type of person you're most attracted to. Does he or she seem selfish, manipulative, cold and aloof? It could be your subconscious picking these types from unresolved issues in your past. Are your expectations above or below what you can offer? Don't ignore red flags early on in dating and be selective with someone who's a better match from the beginning.
- You're too high or low maintenance. Some people spend too much time and money (or not enough) to attract a man or woman of substance. Solution: lighten up on your beauty regimen or start keeping up with hygiene. If you could lose a few pounds, why not get fit by making a workout part of your routine? Gym membership could be a great gift to yourself that opens doors to your romantic life.
- You're too desperate. If you're only looking for a significant other because you don't have anything going in your life, then it's going to show-- badly, in your aura. Solution: get out and start living like there's no tomorrow (okay, not like it's an emergency). Fill up your days with making plans to do things with your friends, family or members of your community (see #1 above). The more you dedicate yourself to following your passions, the less "desperate" you'll come off to dating prospects. Plus, you'll probably exponentially increase your chances for finding a compatible match.
Remember: you're perfect just the way you are and should never feel compelled to "change" to find love. You can improve your odds by considering the above points and making positive changes to becoming your "best self." Love comes when you least expect it, but you can always enjoy loving your own company while you're waiting.
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