Ok, I will not beat around the bush: If you have toxic people in your life that is infecting your marriage GET RID OF THEM! You really don’t need them in your life regardless if you are married or not, but if they are causing problems in your marriage you need to get rid of them once and for all.
It is hard to think that your lifelong friend or even a family member could be toxic for your marriage. We automatically think hope that our family and friends will love our spouse just as much as we do. WRONG!
There are times that our spouse is not accepted by our friends and family. They are so brazen to talk negative about our spouse and our marriage to us. To paraphrase my friend Rachee’, Say it RahShay, “When we take in all this negativity, we will begin to internalize it and it will affect us personally [and our relationships]. “
This type of behavior and other damaging behavior cannot be tolerated.
“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul: 101 Stories of Life, Love and Learning
We have to remember that “we” wanted to get married and spend the rest of our life and time with your spouse. So that mean “we” have decided that our friends and other family members are not top priority in our life any longer. This new relationship and life changing event can cause an unhappy break with our closest and dearest friends and family.
Don’t get me wrong, friends and family are not bad themselves, per se, its when they become intrude into your marriage that you must get rid of them. The outside influences can slowly creep into your marriage and cause a distance between you and your spouse.
To prevent this division from happening, you must actively work as one and recognize the subtle intrusions from those on the outside. Set boundaries.
You must decide to set boundaries with friends and family. These boundaries must be honored and not crossed. Guard your marriage. Guard your spouse from outside damage. You have to be clear with your friends and family about their interactions in your marriage and with your spouse.
Don’t allow your friends or family to ever disrespect your spouse or your marriage. NEVER!
Now don’t get me wrong, you will spend time with friends and family. They will also spend time with your spouse but make sure you have a healthy balance and respect among all. It is your responsibility to enforce these boundaries and make sure YOUR friends and family adhere to the boundaries.
This new found action on your part may hurt you to do but know that it is the right thing to do. When you have time, read Peace of Mind and Tempered Expectations.
Overall, friendships and relationships with our family are important but our relationship with our spouse is most important. You can definitely have both but set the tone and the ground rules for the merging of your marriage to your friends and family.
How did you set boundaries with your friends and family concerning your marriage or relationship?