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Seperated by distance


I'm lost in my love life...

I have Darnell who you know I think is the man of my dreams but he's got a kid now which is the deal breaker for me. I don't date guys with kids because if I do happen to fall in love and want you [to] be my husband, I want us to experience everything together for the first time. Ex. kids, marriage, blah blah blah!

Then there's Colin, known him for years and we have NEVER had any drama or issues but he moved 3,000 miles away and wants to me come visit. I don't want to because I said to myself before he left that I wasn't going to catch feelings but I did, now I think going to visit him is a bad idea because I might feel like I would want him more than I do now and I'm not moving to Seattle for no dude.

But anyway, help me!! Should I get over both of them and hope I find someone like them?

Oh and [my friend’s] mom thinks I set my standards too high, which is probably right. She says I need to stop looking for the 'A' because the guy that's the 'C' could be the one that makes me the happiest.

So help me out asap!! My love life sucks and I need some serious help.

It sounds like you have very high confidence in yourself and because you know what you are capable of you want to be with someone who is above and beyond the norm. The problem with that is people who are above and beyond, who have it all figured out and are successful in life are usually with someone already. That is where you need to be. People are at their best when they are in a relationship that compliments. What you need is to scope out a guy who has solid potential and the two of you build into status together. With that said I think that Mr. Seattle is the man for you.

You promised yourself you wouldn’t catch feelings. So what? Obviously yourself wasn’t paying you any attention. Now you really like this guy and you don’t know what to do because you feel that you are going against yourself. You are, but in the wrong way. Let your feelings for him guide you to what you feel is good.

Go visit him as a test trial. Ever heard of a round trip ticket?? You don’t have to commit the first time you go out to see him. You might find that Seattle has changed him, that it’s too rainy or that you miss Baltimore. If things between you don’t progress during your trip then you can come home and not worry about him anymore. He’ll be a million miles away any how.

But I believe that you’re going to visit and fall so hard you’ll be drowning in mushiness. Give yourself the opportunity to be happy. Don’t immediately dismiss your happiness because of a location change. You are not moving to Seattle for “some dude”, you are starting a life with someone you love in a new city. You want to “experience everything together for the first time” so why not start with a moving day. If you really can’t see past moving for a guy then suggest the two of you get a place in Seattle that’s exclusively yours and find it together.

As far as Darnell, he is an important part of your life but if you are to truly be happy how you want, it’s smart to let him go but always be a friend to him.

Question: boyfriend isn’t much for the phone/keeping in touch thing over distances but usually makes an effort. He’s in Mexico right now with his family, can’t use his phone and I know he’s probably really really busy but I haven’t heard from him in 2 days. And I can’t help but feel a little neglected. If a guy’s not calling/writing do you think it also means he’s not thinking about you?


When a couple is separated by distance one of two things could happen. The distance could bring them closer because they realize how much they can’t live without each other. Or one person might have an out-of-sight out-of-mind experience. I think that is what is happening with your boyfriend. He already isn’t a keep in touch type of guy even if you’re right under his nose. Being in Mexico with limited phone access and with his family gives him a pass to skip out on the cell phone check-ins or “hey there” texts. Try not to let it stress you. Occupy yourself texting friends or hide your phone all together so you don’t have to look at it not play his ring tone. I’m sure he’s thinking about you. And if he’s not, as soon as he sees you when he returns it will be an instant reminder of all the wonderful things you do to him when you two are alone. Start planning his return now. It will be a steamy one.

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