Not all bikes are endowed with Italian supermodel looks. Some have a nice personality but... well, they have a nice personality.
So as a bookend to Seattle's Sexiest Motorcycles, and in no particular order, these are my nominations for the unsexiest bikes on the streets of Seattle.
Please note: these are all wonderful bikes and the opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of examiner.com, their employees or shareholders. But I'll bet they secretly agree with me.
La-Z-Boy Division: Yamaha Majesty. No Barcalounger has anything on this bike. That lever on the right is either the parking brake or full-recline mode. Runner-up: Honda Silver Wing (not pictured).
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Lizard Impersonation Division: Suzuki V-Strom. I owned a DL1000 and it was a beautiful bike from the seat. From the street, however, it's a cross between the Eastern Bearded Dragon (Pogona Barbata) and a whippet.
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The V-Strom puffs up when it senses danger.
Light Truck Division: Harley Davidson CVO FLHTCUSE3 Screamin' Eagle Ultra Classic Electra Glide. A half-ton of fun, this mount has everything but the kitchen sink... and if it did have one it would be iron. Runner-up: Honda Gold Wing (not pictured).
My wife thinks this looks like a giant bacon slab. Who am I to argue?
Cosmo Spacely Division: Victory Vision. The love child of Alien vs. Predator. For the rider who wants to scream, "Hey, look at me! I come in peace." Runner-up: Suzuki B-King (not pictured).
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Even Batman would be embarrassed.
Paramilitary Division: BMW K1300R. Pity this bike wasn't around for a merchandising deal with the movie Brazil. Just add Sargent Schultz. Runner-up: Ural Patrol (not pictured).
Is this Teutonic, or what?
So there you have it, from scooters to cruisers, from $7,000 to $27,000 stickers, motorcycles only their designer could love. Feel free to add your favorites or criticize mine.
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Comments
Fun article! That is a whole lot of ugly.
What bike do you ride? Opinions are like you know what...
First of all Phil I would I would like to
know what type scumbag bike do you ride
and second what lunacy bin did you escape
from And Patty what do you look like????
I ride a Yamaha Scumbag FZ1, 2005 edition (gen 1). I have owned two of the bikes on my list, both of which I loved: A 1000DL V-Strom and a Honda Reflex (very similar to the scooters named). I'd own a K1300R in a heartbeat if I could afford one.
That said, I wouldn't call any of them sexy.
As for the lunacy bin, what makes you think I managed to escape?
Oh, and no shots at Patty, she's my hero and would never write anything this snarky.
Ugly is the new beautiful.
You missed my ride, the Kymko Xciting - it has that uber-cool Japengilsh name, a big butt that even Sir Mix-A-Lot couldn't love, and it's painted a lovely, understated traffic-cone orange.
Ugly is the new beautiful.
You're right on target with the the Cosmo Spacely Division nominee. I don't know what the folks at Victory were thinking, but the conversation may have included a couple inappropriate comments about compound curves, some low-grade pharmaceuticals, and the quote, "I believe I have designed the ugliest motorcycle in the history of two-wheelers?"
Uggghh!
V-Stroms rule: You will be assimilated into the collective, resistance is futile. Beauty is illogical function is everything.
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