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Science channel asks if the Vatican is hiding aliens

For real Catholic aliens

The Science Channel's Unsealed: Alien Files on Tuesday, April 8th, speculated that “new evidence may prove the Vatican is hiding actual aliens from the public.”

No, you read that correctly. It's the Science channel, not the sci-fi, or Syfy channel. And no, this is not The Onion, reality is too Bat-Guano insane to make this stuff up.

During the course of this program, they interviewed Dr. Jose Funes, the priest who directs the Vatican Observatory. (Yes, the Vatican has an observatory. But please, don't let that dissuade you from the idea that the Catholic church hates science. Let the Wiki of priests who are scientists do that.)

Dr. Funes stated that the universe is so large, that “it would be possible that life could evolve the way we know it on Earth.”

This is soon followed by a voiceover that says, “Vatican officials have publicly acknowledged the likelihood of alien life. This dramatic reversal of Vatican policy demands an explanation. What does the Church know, or what have they found that causes them to reverse a 2000-year-old teaching?”

First, the very concept of extraterrestrial life is not even two thousand years old, so how could the Catholic church have a policy that old?

The Catholic church has never had a stance on alien life. In fact, the closest "Catholic" position on aliens has not come from the Vatican, but from scientists who are Catholic. The anthropic principle states that all of the factors involved in the creation of the universe are geared towards the creation of life. Alien life would actually lend more evidence towards this particular scientific theory.

The “Science” channel claims that evidence of alien life is available in the “Vatican secret archives.” (Let's ignore that “secret archives” is a translation error. It is not so much “secret” as it is “unorganized.” This is what happens when a bureaucracy never throws out any paperwork. Ever.) The special claimed that these “secrets” take up 52 miles of shelf space and 32,000 archives … and who needs citation?

The voiceover claims “But the secrets hidden within the Vatican can’t stay buried forever. Now new evidence may prove the Vatican is hiding actual aliens from the public.”

The program also claimed that in 1998, skulls with elongated heads and small faces were found under the Vatican Library, but that access to the site has been denied. A voiceover asks, “Could these skulls be the remnants of aliens who once lived in the Vatican?”

Actually, it's probably evidence that people with severe Marfan's syndrome once lived in the Vatican. (Marfan's syndrome is a genetic disease that is responsible for various and sundry skeletal anomalies. It's the usual counter by sane people whenever someone cites elongated Egyptian skulls as proof of alien life.)

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