Sarah Palin: Sometimes the best books are the ones that aren't written

Sarah “Ma” Palin and the rest of the family seem to be safe from the wrath of Levi Johnston, at least for the moment. Some nineteen year-olds are focused on a life objective and brimming with determination to take the necessary steps to realize their goals, but most teenagers seem to change their minds monthly, if not week-to-week – or even daily as to career goals, if they have any. Levi Johnston is among the majority here.  A rumored book deal he was supposedly involved in that probably will never come close to becoming a printed document is almost likfe a gift from Johnston to Palin.

Last spring the buzz heard around the literary hives of Manhattan was that Johnston was shopping a tell-all book that would blow the roof off of the Alaska governor’s mansion and maybe even muss up governor Sarah Palin’s well-tended hair. The National Enquirer, and several equally respected bloggers were perpetuating the rumor last spring that Johnston was planning a book to finance his expected custody battle for his son, Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, in an expected knock-down affair with the whirlwind from Wasilla. Sarah Palin, the most powerful and vengeful woman in Alaska vs. a 19 year-old hockey-playing high school drop-out whose biggest ambition at the time was to get a job in the oil fields might draw a professional wrestling contract, but…So, any book penned by Levi Johnston was going to have to be low-down and scummy enough to attract the attention of the quickie novel, tell-all, disposable culture addicted types who buy such garbage-filled books by the millions before piling them alongside their dusty collections of O.J. Simpson, Bill and Monica, and ‘who really shot J.F.K.’ books (has anybody checked where O.J. was at 12:30 p.m., CST, on November 22, 1963)?

Levi Johnston seems to have given up on his career as a tell-all writer and is now focusing on becoming a male model. Take for example, last July’s issue of GQ magazine in which Johnston claimed his relationship with Bristol Palin was improving, but “Ma” Palin was restricting his visitation privileges and first husband Todd had offered him incentives to beat it, including an automobile. Levi appeared in the men’s fashion mag with his son, both showing a lot of skin…a good move for an aspiring male model, a rare move for an aspiring author. Levi seems to have decided to let the professional word nerds get his story out for him instead of spending the hours of interviewing it would take for a true ghost writer to get enough info to write the now forgotten tell-all book. And then there’s the opportunity the beefcake photos provide: "Here it is world…come and get a load of this,” Levi seemed to be implying as he held his son, shirtless, muscles flexing.

Now that Sarah Palin is an ex-governor turned aspiring author, and Levi Johnston is an ex-aspiring author turned amateur male model, the heat can be turned up a little bit. The October issue is of Vanity Fair magazine is the platform Johnston has decided to let out all the built up hostility he has for the grandmother of his illegitimate son. His relationship with Palin’s daughter, Bristol, whom he impregnated – too much said already; the ex-governor’s abstinence position when it comes to pro-creation – old news; his role as unwilling participant and traveling spectator during the doomed McCain/Palin presidential campaign – yawn; Johnston is going after Palin’s projected image, the most important asset to any aspiring politician with hopes to one day be her political party’s candidate for president. What is she like at home…what does she do in her off hours…how did she really behave as the governor of Alaska…how does she treat the people around her…and, maybe most importantly, how does she treat her family?

The Vanity Fair article will be accompanied by a few model-type shots of Levi, a little boost for his current career goal of male modeling. Aside from that, the news on “Ma” Palin is not going to be very complimentary, according to some excerpts released by Vanity Fair.

Palin complained her job as governor was too hard, often coming home at noon – and never after five p.m. - to take hour-long baths and lay in her bed bossing the family around…she didn’t cook…the Palin’s rarely ever ate dinner together…her children took kept the household together under their mother’s direction as she watched television…Palin knew Johnston and her daughter were havng sex before the unplanned pregnancy…the then governor and her husband never slept together…Johnston rarely saw her reading a book, and never saw her reading a newspaper…blah, blah, blah.  The capper will probably be what plenty have speculated already, that Palin gave up her governorship to cash in on her fame by writing a book

There’s plenty more in the Vanity Fair releases, enough that listing it all here would be tedious, and besides, Vanity Fair can probably use the sales to those interested in reading the mostly unverifiable, but definitely juicy, low-down, dirt on the ex-gov, aspring author and often speculated Republican party’s best hope to regain the presidency in 2012