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Sarah Palin rewrites 'Green Eggs & Ham,' recommends use of nukes

On March 8th, 2014 at CPAC, former Vice Presidential candidate and half-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin did what she does best: Fire up the far-right extremists while utterly horrifying everyone else on the planet.

Sarah Palin
Photo by T.J. Kirkpatrick/Getty Images

Palin began, oddly enough, by stealing a portion of the moronic publicity stunt of another Tea Party extremist, Texas Senator Ted Cruz, by reading her own rewritten version of "Green Eggs & Ham."

I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like his health care scam;

I do not like these dirty crooks or how they lie and cook the books;

I do not like when Congress steals, I do not like their crony deals;

I do not like this buy-in man, I do not like 'oh yes we can';

I do not like this spending spree, we're smart, we know there's nothing free;

I do not like reporters' smug replies when I complain about their lies;

I do not like this kind of hope and we won't take it 'nope, nope, nope'

That alone would warrant ridicule. Unfortunately, this was just Sarah Palin warming up.

Later, Palin, building off of her experience from close proximity to Russia, offered advice Saturday to President Barack Obama on how to best contain Russian aggression.

Mr. President, the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.

This is the woman who, at one point, was literally just an election and a heart attack away from having her finger on the nuclear button.

Think about that.