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Sandra Bullock's strategy for surviving infidelity can help other women with cheating mates

A look at how Sandra Bullock handled Jesse James'
betrayal can teach us a lot about surviving infidelity.
Photo:  AP

In Sandra Bullock’s handling of Jesse James’ multiple affairs, there are many lessons to be learned.

Sandra’s newly adopted baby, Louis Bardo Bullock, helped cushion the blow of Jesse’s betrayal, but Sandra employed several successful strategies for surviving infidelity that can help other women with cheating mates.

Below are some of the lessons other betrayed wives can learn.

Get away so you can clear your mind.

Victims of infidelity are often cautioned not to make any life-altering decision on the spur of the moment. (See What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You) Sometimes you need to distance yourself from the situation so you can think clearly and sort things out. Shortly after Michelle “Bombshell” McGee announced that she’d carried on an 11-month affair with Jesse James, Sandra Bullock dropped out of sight . Many people thought it was because she was humiliated by Jesse’s betrayal. Now we know that Sandra fled to Texas with newly adopted baby Louis, to shield him from the prying eyes of the paparazzi.

Rely on people you can trust.

Infidelity is very traumatic This is not a situation to try to get through alone. Like Sandra Bullock, you need to surround yourself with people you love and trust, and who have your best interests at heart. . Sandra has a strong support system in place which has served her well. In addition to helping her deal with the trauma of infidelity, they kept the adoption of Sandra’s baby a secret until she was ready to tell the world. See Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You.

Ignore the Other Woman.

Sandra did not waste time and energy obsessing over Jesse’s mistresses, even though Michelle “Bombshell” McGee was relentless in extending her 15 minutes of fame. This was a contrast from the way Elizabeth Edwards carried on about John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter, who recently appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show.  See Will He Leave You for Her?and What you Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why.

Focus on something other than your betrayal.

Sandra Bullock’s concern for the baby and and her 3 step children, kept her from dwelling on Jesse’s infidelity. She tried to keep life as normal as possible for Jesse’s children, who stayed with her while he underwent sex addiction treatment at a rehab in Arizona. At the same time she was settling into her role as the mother of an infant son. Having a baby and 3 older children to care for, gave Sandra’s mind something positive to focus on.

Don’t internalize your husband’s infidelity.     

Many women blame themselves for their husband’s betrayal. It’s a common misconception that when infidelity occurs in a relationship, the woman is somehow to blame. See Are Wives to Blame When Husbands Cheat? Peter Elkind’s new book Rough Justice: The Rise and Fall of Eliot Spitzer, stated that Silda Spitzer blamed herself for former Governor Spitzer’s infidelity, and felt that her own inadequacies drove him to patronize call girls like Ashley Dupre. Sandra Bullock’s interview in People magazine indicates that she harbors no such thoughts. Sandra has not allowed herself to become consumed with self-pity, or self blame.

Keep busy with physical activity of some kind.

The physical activities associated being a mother, and caring for a new baby– feeding him, bathing him, changing diapers, taking care of his needs - kept Sandra physically busy night and day.  

Take control of your life.

Despite public pressure to immediately divorce Jesse James, Sandra Bullock had a “master plan” for divorce, and proceeded at her own pace. It’s unwise for a betrayed wife to file for divorce before she has all the pieces in place. Legal, financial and living arrangements usually have to be made. Sandra Bullock and Jesse James began the adoption of a baby as a couple. Under the terms of their divorce, Sandra will finalize the adoption of her son, Louis Bardo Bullock, as a single parent. Sandra did not allow Jesse’s betrayal to define or limit her life. See Go or Stay? – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance.

Be the better person, rise above it.

Sandra Bullock didn’t trash her husband, as many betrayed wives do. Though she spoke candidly about her disappointment in Jesse, she made it clear that in her mind, the Jesse James who cheated with the Michelle “Bombshell” McGee and the others, is not the Jesse James she married, knew and loved. Sandra acknowledges that the things in life that she holds most dear could not have happened without Jesse James.  See Will Jesse James’ “Nightline” Interview Convince Sandra Bullock to Take Him Back?

Don’t harbor resentment or become vindictive.

Some women respond to being cheated on by having retaliatory affairs - like Larry King and Shawn Southwick who cheated on each other. See Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even With a Cheating Mate. Other betrayed wives resort to other forms of revenge. See How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate. Sandra Bullock has not allowed herself to become filled with bitterness or rage.

Look to the future instead of dwelling on the past.

While Sandra Bullock admits to being “sad and scared” about her upcoming divorce from Jesse James, she looks hopefully to the future. She refers to her infant son. Louis Bardo Bullock as the new man in her life.

. *** © copyright 2010 Ruth Houston All Rights Reserved.

Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of  , the author of Is He Cheating on You? - 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029, or e-mail .

For more about the Sandra Bullock - Jesse James infidelity scandal, or about Jesse James' mistress, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, see:

Will Jesse James’ “Nightline” Interview Convince Sandra Bullock to Take Him Back?

Update on the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock Infidelity Scandal – All the Latest News

Wives of 4 Cheating Celebrities File for Divorce This Month

Celebrity Infidelity Update - Sandra Bullock Files for Divorce from Jesse James and Adopts a Baby Boy

Celebrity Infidelity Update – All the Latest Details on Cheating Celebrities in the News

 What Celebrity Mistresses are Doing to Extend Their 15 Minutes of Fame

Celebrity Mistress Update – The Latest Report on Celebrity Mistresses in the News

Could You Be Duped into Dating a Married Man Like Jesse James Duped Michelle Bombshell McGee?

What Michelle McGee, Jamie Jungers and Other Celebrity Mistresses Are Doing to Make News

Jesse James’ Mistress, Michelle Bombshell McGee Appears Live in Las Vegas

For more information on coping with infidelity, see the following articles and free tip sheets:

What NOT to Do If He’s Cheating on You

5 Things You SHOULDN’T Do If He’s Cheating on You (free tip sheet)

Be Careful Who You Tell That He’s Cheating on You

Will He Leave You for Her?

What you Need to Know About Your Husband’s Mistress and Why

Are Wives to Blame When Husbands Cheat?

Go or Stay? – How to Decide Whether to Give a Cheater a Second Chance (free tip sheet)

Why Revenge Cheating and Retaliatory Affairs Don’t Work in Trying to Get Even With a Cheating Mate

How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Mate (free tip sheet)


  • Dig 4 years ago

    Dear Ruth Houston:You are really an expert.TY

  • Cheryl Williams, Charlotte Love & Marriage Exa 4 years ago

    Excellent advice, Ruth!

  • mike 4 years ago

    i thought this article was pretty 'gay'
    im sure CASSANDRA just happened to have everything written out in preparation for her divorce. she just does everything perfect, huh...Buy Bullock (it'll make us a lot of munny);){wink}[it'll also make your grass greener].

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