The Republican Presidential express has staggered south to the land of a thousand stances, so fellow Floridians; get ready, it’s that time of the year to shut off the phones because the political robo-calling is coming in as thick and fast as a lobbyist for the privatization of, well, pick an industry.
Some of us start to twitch when the word ‘voting’ is used. Ever since we dropped the word ‘Chad’ from the Florida edition of the baby naming book we’ve had to try to live down our reputation. We did get a little help this year from Iowa with a caucus vote of a tenth of a percentage point separating Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum (34 votes) which couldn’t be certified because eight precincts lost their ballots. No one knows who really won. Sound familiar?
It’s the run up to the general election and we don’t know if we can make it through unscathed. It’s a Florida thing like sand in your shoes, only the sand has been stuck and grating in our underwear since the first candidate stepped onto the public stage and promised us everything for nothing forever.
Let’s examine the plank the remaining candidates are walking on, in their quest to out-debate each other. The so called debates, which must by now number in the hundreds, have now exposed more positions than a top of the line adjustable bed.
Political pandering has gotten as predictably ‘rah rah’ as a ‘pray the gay away’ rally led by Michelle Bachmann’s husband, Marcus. He may be in heavier denial than Cleopatra’s barge. Michelle: does life begin when people of the opposite sex make eye contact?
In a blow to comedy writers everywhere, and to a lesser extent, the hundred or so people who actually voted for her in the Iowa caucus, Bachmann dropped out of the Presidential race. One could only hope that Herman Cain has a change of heart, needs to sell more books and will regale us with 9-9-9 once again.
With jobs and the economy as America’s top priority Newt Gingrich spoke of a moon colony by 2020 to a cheering audience…..on the space coast. If Ron Paul has a say, the government programs like NASA will be cut back to where we couldn’t land a man on Bermuda and we could settle differences with other nations with a hot game of ‘rocks paper scissors’. According to Paul, “We’ve got all the natural resources to do this and don’t have to import anything”.
Mitt Romney has been on the stump for so long he doesn’t look like his original campaign poster anymore and is the darling of most Republicans who want to ‘mute Newt’.
Let’s hope for some national ‘do not disturb’ legislation, at least until after the election.
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