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Report: Global warming now considered a threat to redheads

Endangered gingers.
Endangered gingers.
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Believers of man-made global warming have issued yet another dire consequence due to the human race being technologically advanced. As reported by Fox News on July 7, 2014, and also by The Daily Record and Sunday Mail (of Glasgow, Scotland) on July 5, 2014, the purported increase in world temperatures very well could pose a direct threat to the future of redheads, at least in Ireland, Scotland and northern England.

According to Doctor Alistair Moffat, head honcho for the genetic testing company ScotlandsDNA, with the rise in global temperatures come a corresponding drop in redheads in Britain and Ireland. According to the Caledonian chemist’s theory, “the gene that causes red hair is thought to be an evolutionary response to the lack of sun in Scotland.”

Undoubtedly pleasing to adherents of the belief that the rise in global temperatures is caused by industrial and commercial use of fossil fuels, Dr. Moffat also noted the correlation between Scotland’s dreary weather and those sporting scarlet tresses, “We think red hair in Scotland, Ireland and the north of England is adaptation to the climate. We do not get enough sun and have to get all the vitamin D we can. If it was to get less cloudy and there was more sun, there would be fewer people carrying the gene.”

In the meanwhile, Canadian comedian Shawn Hitchins is reportedly taking the lead in the worldwide “Ginger Pride” movement. Hitchins took to the streets of the Scottish city of Edinburgh last year seemingly with little regard for those who would disparage his head of flaming red locks. But noting the overt Gingerphobia displayed by more than a few, the Canadian funnyman lamented with tongue firmly placed in cheek:

It seems like everyone is coming up with new ways to eradicate the Gingers.