On the eve of Valentine's Day I was feeling particulary good. As a single sexy and free fabulous lady, I used to loathe the day. I would pull out my soap box, declaring that Valentine's Day is commercialized feelings to get society to buy junk for people who don't need it or deserve it, because if they did deserve it they would get it more than once a year. Yeah, I've been that bitter. But that was a few years ago. I still had a lot of living and loving to do. On this eve I was reminded of love past, present and always. I remembered how amazing if feels to be loved and to give love back.
My mother was really into Valentine's Day when I was growing up. All holidays really, but Valentine's Day especially. Even though I did't get a candy-gram from a dazzling secret admirer in high school, my ma always made up for it. I dropped by to see her tonight and she had a red velvet cupcake for me. Now, at this very moment I am on a strict fat and dairy-free diet. A celebratory, in the name of love, creamy, sweet, cupcake WITH the cream cheese icing.... Well... I've been waiting the whole diet to cheat with that bad boy! But back to my ma, she always came through with the love goodies, she's the always.
Breakups can be horrible but I believe they really don't have to be. On an episode of the Rickey Smiley Morning Show the topic was on taking care of a spouse in a divorce. Rickey made a point that how a past lover thinks about how the break up went should interest all future lovers of the other person. For example, I would want to know if the person I'm now seeing broke up with his ex because she put him out for something irreconcilable. A situation like that is almost guarenteed to end ugly. I'd rather know that my current interest broke up with the ex because it just didn't work out for the couple.
It ties into being loved and giving love back. If you've been in a relationship where all parties do both then chances are it didn't end horribly. The love is living in a small space in your heart. I think someone who can't say a mean thing about an ex and has clearly moved on, is very admirable. I don't mean to brag but I have fairly great relationships with (*cough* most of) my exs and I thought about a few today. Wondered what they were up to and even shot a few phone calls. I thought about the things that I love about them and, thank goodness, it wasn't rooted in anything selfish. It's because they have the ability to love and do it so well, especially within their families and friends. They are the past, that are now friends.
With the eve finally winding down, just past midnight, I'm ready to crawl into bed. I pull the covers back to hop in and notice a shiny twinkle peaking out from under my pillow. It was my B.O.B. As earlier mentioned, and also should be assumed for this is a dating advice article, I am a single sexy and free lady. So of course I have human needs. But I never remember placing B.O.B. under the pillow, or even sleeping with it in the bed and so close to my face. I burst out laughing and thought I must be really giving in on the late night self love. Then I thought, that's great! People rely too heavily on others to give them love and give them pleasure. They search for affrction from others to feel how they should feel about themselves, on their own. People judge their value by how much specific attention they receive. But because they don't love themselves they attract the wrong attention.
Only when you love yourself first will you be able to love others and others able to love you in all the wonderful, unbelievable, breath taking, magnificant.... (you get the picture).... ways that love is suppose to be. Self love is the present. You are the only person that will forever be present with you, until you are present no more. Maintain self love by not forgetting about love. Don't forget about family and the lovely things they've done for you. Don't forget about how it feels to care about someone. To think about a person all day. To have them say it first. Don't forget that you're going to have that feeling again, but the next time will be 10x better.
Happy Valentine's Day