Oh, make no mistake---I was sorely tempted to make this column a parody of some Yuletide classic. But hasn’t that sort of thing just been done to death by now? (Hands?)
Besides, this is the season for giving. Those who know me well know that the poet in me is ever screeching and kicking to get out and play; in the spirit of giving, therefore, I’m obligated to you, my dear readers (all three of you!) to fight my natural urges and give you what you REALLY need:
·Yes, it seems a bit ludicrous to have Christmas decorations and merchandise in stores before Halloween. But consider that stores contract with individuals who have an ever-increasing workload of places to prepare for holiday buying seasons. This means that some places may have to have their shelves stacked with Santa-encrusted stuff alongside bags of candy and costumes. The timing really blows, but what can you do?
·Sweet mother-of-pearl, but those radio stations are at it again---dueling to see who starts their Christmas music first! The Monday after Halloween, our alarm clock radio went off to the strains of “Carol of the Bells” (husband’s pet peeve). Let the groaning commence. I say, if they’re gonna do that, then at least have the decency to play Bob Rivers’ Comedy Group’s “Toy Sack” (thanks, B-52’s!). I mean, if you’re not gonna play Porky Pig singing “Blue Christmas” (my personal fave), then what’s left that’s fun?
·If you’re so sick of all the commercialization of the season, try being a tad less secular. Even if you don’t go to church on a regular basis, just try a little quality time with the family or some friends. Hunker down with some tasty potables and classic DVD’s, and life isn’t so bad. Steer clear of those marathon showings of any one particular cinematic chestnut; instead, check out a variety of favorites. Heck, if it feels good, try taking an MST3K approach: Heckle every line and action. Or even the RHPS take: Toss stuff at the screen…..you know, some real audience participation! There, now doesn’t that feel better?
Just don’t expect me to clean up after you. I’ll be sleeping off the chemical in the turkey that has scientists still arguing about its possibly sedative effects.