In today’s society, blended families are becoming more and more commonplace. Many people with children marry, single parents remarry, divorced parents remarry, and there is a blending of one’s own children with the spouse’s children, which may be from different partners as well. Although divorce is becoming rampant in this age, there is still the small voice in the back of our minds that cries out for a family unit. When remarrying, we are faced with the question whether we will have children together.
There are many factors to consider, which first and foremost should be the welfare of your children. Splitting up a family and then blending another is a difficult task. It takes great tolls on our children and requires a tremendous amount of work on the parts of the parents. People often enter into these blended families without giving it a second thought and not thinking through the consequences of such actions. They think that a marriage will solve all their problems and bring stability to their children. This is not always the case.
Every situation and every family is different and there isn’t one answer as to whether one should have more children. However, there are certain questions you should ask yourself first if you already have children of your own before having more children with your new spouse:
- What are your children’s feelings about your prior divorce or split from the other parent?
- What are their current feelings for your new spouse or partner?
- How well do they get along with their new siblings?
- How stable is your new marriage?
- Will they be jealous if you have children who always get to stay with you while they have to go to their other parent’s?
- Will they resent the fact that the new children will have an intact home?
- Will they feel alienated from you or your new spouse because they are not the biological children?
- Are you willing to give up free time with a brand new spouse that you’ve never had time to be alone with in order to solidify the relationship?
- Will you be taking resources away from your present children?
- Will your lifestyle change (work, spending money, time with family)?
- Will you lose the alone time you have with your present children or involvement in their activities?
There are many other factors to take into consideration but answering these questions honestly will help if faced with making another life-changing decision. Even though women have the desire to have children with their new spouse, it is not always in the best interest of the children that already belong to the family nor the new marriage that requires extra loving care. Your responsibility and priority should be to the children you already have that are faced with adjusting to a new home life. Put them first, and you’ll make the right decisions.