When we think of our immediate family, we think of those who no matter what we cannot replace and most of the time have been with us since birth. Some are born into the family pleasantly referred to as new editions. So what happens when members leave the family of their own free will? Are they no longer relatives of ours or should I ask, relative in our lives? We dub them now as 'ex' so and so but does that mean they lose their place in our hearts?
I've contemplated these questions for a long time in my own personal life. I have the pleasure of having an 'ex' husband. That was my journey and I've lived to the best of my ability emotionally. I think the other hiccup I keep encountering are my children having to have 'ex' fathers. Hmmmmm, I never heard of this before either until I've lived it unfortunately. Hence the need to understand how relative do we remain in people's lives?
There is a saying that people are in our lives for a reason or a season. Normally if its the season, then the reasons keep changing. Both parties always learning and growing from being apart of the other's lives. Not always positive, but still......relative.
But when someone who is supposed to be around for the rest of your life due to their title, what gives them the right to determine that they are no longer needed? Especially to a child..... We divorce/separate from our spouses but what is the protocol for the kids left behind? We believe in the wake of the separation that understandings can be formed, promises kept. If nothing else, unconditional love driven motivation to do the right thing.
There isn't a beginning or an end to these questions. It wont end tomorrow unfortunately. The relatives we have in our lives whether we communicate with regularly or not will always be there. We don't normally mourn the loss of being out of touch from a cousin, aunt, etc. But the loss of a living parent who seemingly divorced the whole family says; you are setting me up to have abandonment issues in my future. I will not trust easily, I will probably be promiscuous looking for the love that I missed getting from you. I will have many negative issues to deal with in my life beyond my own normal growing pains.
Relationships will always be hard. Intimate, friendships, professional, etc. All of this because you didn't think I was relative enough to continue to be apart of my life actively. Immediately, my life changed once you ceased to be apart of my immediate family. And they say that love is unconditional. So very untrue. It has the condition that no matter what, through whatever happens in our lives, you will be here. Never perfect, always changing but supposedly consistent. Are you an 'immediate' family member? More importantly, are you a relative factor in your child's life if you are not in a relationship with the other parent? Definitely worth pondering over.......