The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide. However, African American women are targeted by their boyfriend or their baby’s father significantly more than other races, especially with women under the age of 20 and are unwed. Although many high profiled cases have been young married women like Lacy Peterson, married or white females in general were at less risk when compared statistically with their African American counterparts, (Davis, 2007).
What can we do about it? How can we help? These are both posing questions for now and the future. Do you have any advise for people facing this kind of abuse? Careful thought and foresight into one’s own thoughts, “what is expected of you” and how we ultimately act or re act all matter. In my own relationships: I have married someone who did ultimately physically hurt me. But most of the abuse was verbal and for many years. The saying, ‘Love Shouldn’t Hurt,’ now has valuable meaning for me.
My next relationship and another failed marriage left me totally incapable of making my own choices. I couldn’t wear skirts or dresses to work because that was considered “easy access” and I was unable to contact my family without it causing terrible arguments. I believe controlling someone is like practicing witchcraft, which is not something I would like to participate in these days. The marriage ended when he left me again! This time would be different for me and I did not take him back. Something he never thought would happen. His controlling ways masked in extreme jealousy, where once it may have been flattering, it now was overwhelming me. After two and a half years, I knew this was not something I wanted for the rest of my life.
I have also learned through my struggles that love should not try and control all things. Do you think someone should tell you what to wear? We may make requests of someone, but if they are ultimately not willing to change, we cannot demand otherwise. I have a thing about treating others how they treat me. If you treat me well, then great! If someone treats me wrong it is my responsibility and choice not to keep that person in my life.
I do believe that forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. What do you think? It enables a since of grief for things we cannot change and relief that it is no longer a major problem in our lives. We gain a certain victory in surviving and re establishing our values and what we need for our lives to be content. I am so thankful to my family and friends who have stood by me through my struggles. I wish you all will be well.