Relationship Recovery: She kept the ring, he his autonomy and principles

Photo Courtesy of Corinne E. Frontiero

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Related Articles:

• http://www.examiner.com/x-5939-Divorce-Support-Examiner~y2009m8d13-Relationships-and-Closure-What-to-do-with-the-token-when-the-affection-has-goneThe linked headline goes here

Ever find it ironic when you cross paths with someone who has just recently dealt with the same issue you have?  

This writer met Eric this summer right about the time that her friend was having a dilemma about what to do with an engagement ring that a partner refused to take back.  (See the above-referenced article, Relationships and Closure - What to do with the token when the affection has gone).  Eric, himself, had just recently broken off an engagement.  While Eric had paid a lot of money for the ring, Eric had made a decision that he was not going to ask for the ring back, that he had bought it for her, and her only, and that he wanted her to keep it.

Eric and his fiancée became engaged in January of 09. They broke up this summer, however, for various reasons. One of the reasons Eric believes he and his fiancée broke up was because he was not reactive when it came to jealousy.  His fiancée perceived this to be "a sign that he just didn’t care".  Eric was very frank with me about his feelings on the issue of jealousy:  he feels "jealousy is not a feeling to be bought into" and that ultimately “you can’t control someone else’s behavior. You can only be the best partner that you can be".  Eric believed that his fiancée’s former relationship prior to the one she had had with Eric had been a topsy turvy one and he wondered if his lack of reaction was misperceived.

Shortly after he and his fiancée parted, Eric ran into a prior school mate from high school. He had had a very strong relationship with this individual and he shared that he really trusted this person.

Well, naturally, as luck would have it his fiancée called and wanted to see him again.

Interestingly, we talked at length, and in Eric’s commitment to do an article he checked out my articles on line.  It was an article that Eric read that helped shed light on a solution for him. The article Eric read was an article about Rebound Relationships (See http://www.examiner.com/x-5939-Divorce-Support-Examiner~y2009m3d30-Are-rebound-relationships-healthy-or-like-westbound-trains).  When Eric sat down and read the article he came to the conclusion: Perhaps he had been substituted or “plugged” into a relationship where he did not belong in the first place.  Eric said the one thing that he did take from the article was that one should wait until the other party is healthy.  Insightful processing, Eric! 

Eric is at peace with his split from his fiancée, now, and he has decided to start spending more time with his friend from high school.  Eric hopes to attend Culinary School @ Arizona. Whatever path Eric chooses in the love relationship area, I am certain it will be a healthy one given his higher understanding about the necessity of being in a healthy love relationship. 

The best of luck to you, Eric! 

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand.  Leave the fingers open and it stays.  Clutch it and it darts away."  - Dorothy Parker.

For more information, view all of Corinne's articles at her Home Page located on www.Examiner.com.  Also visit Corinne's website, www.booksonrelationships.net to see her recently released Divorce self help recovery book, Moving Forward.