135 Relationship questions for new couples: Are you compatible?
Today's Kiss and Tell Report.
This was an incredible weekend for women in New York City. On Saturday I was honored to be a speaker in Alycia Kaback's 2011 NYC Women's Empowerment Summit at Bennett Studios in Manhattan. My talk was entitled, "How to Love and Live Fearlessly." Afterward, I was honored to field questions from the incredible attendees. One woman asked me what questions she should ask a new lover to make sure that they are on the same page. Great question!
You've met someone new and exciting. You seem to have so much in common. Or do you?
By the third date we usually have a pretty clear picture about how interested we are in someone. You've probably broken bread with them, kissed them, heard about their past relationships and what they're looking for in the future. Now I know what third date game you're thinking of and that's a different article. This is the fourth date game.
We already outlined what you should talk about on a first date, so here's what you should talk about on the fourth date or some time thereafter. Here's how to know if you are both on the same page for the things that matter. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only what is right or wrong for you.
Are 135 game questions far too many to get through on one date? Maybe. If so, that's a good thing and you can continue to play the game and answer questions on another date -- like the next morning at breakfast. Have fun with this.
If your date is just a summer love you have no intention of having a permanent relationship with then who cares what they think about the big stuff? Forget the questions and go enjoy your fling!
How did I come up with these questions? Let's just say that I pulled them right out of the Lifestyle Passionista dating handbook just for you. I created these relationship questions based on conflicting ideas that came out as relationships went on. Again, there are no "correct" answers. As the old after school specials used to say, the more you know ...
Happy talking!
135 questions you need answers to before beginning a serious relationship. (No specific order.)
1. Have you ever been prescribed mood regulating drugs?
2. Is there a God?
3. Do you want children?
4. Is withholding information the same as lying?
5. Are you a forgiving person?
6. Do you know how many sex partners you've had?
7. Are things only black and white? Or are there shades of gray?
8. Do you like children?
9. Are you a current drug user?
10. Do you have any diseases?
11. Have you ever had any STDs?
12. Have you ever cheated in the past?
13. Does money matter to you?
14. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?
15. Is neatness important to you?
16. Does religion matter in your life?
17. Does race matter in your life?
18. Does politics matter to you?
19. What are you looking for in your next relationship?
20. Why did your last relationship end?
21. What would your friends say about you?
22. What would your enemies say about you?
23. Are you looking for someone to come home to or someone to go out with?
24. If your partner gained weight due to pregnancy or illness what would your reaction be?
25. Is it important that you have contact with your partner daily?
26. How do you feel about solo vacations?
27. Is alone time or me time necessary or selfish?
28. How do you feel about open relationships?
29. Does ambition matter to you?
30. Should gay marriage be legal?
31. Does a sense of humor matter?
32. Are there barriers as to what is considered comedy?
33. Should there be absolute freedom of speech?
34. Is reading important to you?
35. Is living together before marriage okay with you?
36. Do you believe in marriage?
37. Is being gay a choice?
38. Is sex important to you?
39. Should drugs be legalized?
40. Would you have a serious relationship with someone who could not have children?
41. Would you identify yourself as dominant or submissive?
42. How important is a sense of honor?
43. How often would you have sex in an ideal week?
44. Do you believe in destiny or free will?
45. Is war necessary?
46. Is gun control necessary?
47. Are we products of nature or nurture?
48. Are you willing to try anything once?
49. Are you a saver or spender?
50. Is property ownership important to you?
51. Is there life after death?
52. Do you believe in ghosts and the supernatural?
53. Is there such a thing as magic?
54. Creationism or evolution?
55. Is the Bible literal?
56. Is voting important?
57. How involved are you in social media like twitter, Facebook, flickr?
58. Do you have a passport?
59. Do you like to try new foods and restaurants?
60. Are there any sex tapes or nude photos of you out there?
61. Have you had unprotected sex?
62. When was your last HIV and STDs test?
63. Are you bisexual?
64. How do you feel about your parents?
65. What has been the best day of your life so far?
66. Do you meditate or pray?
67. Should there be a head of the household or partnership?
68. Is chivalry necessary or an antiquated waste of time?
69. How many partners have you lived with?
70. How do you deal with anger?
71. What are your thoughts on payback and revenge?
72. Have you ever been arrested?
73. Is cuddling important?
74. What kinds of things turn you off?
75. Are there things that are off limits to joke about?
76. Do you prefer to go out or to stay in?
77. What is your relationship with your family?
78. Do the opinions of your family and friends influence your decisions?
79. Is there such a thing as being too weird?
80. How confident are you?
81. Do you watch/read the news?
82. Do you enjoy camping and outdoor sports?
83. Is luxury important?
84. Are "cheap people" just frugal folks who are misunderstood?
85. Do you give time or money to any causes?
86. Do you care what other people think of you?
87. Is art necessary?
88. Have you ever stalked a former lover?
89. Do you believe that other people have the ability to make us happy or miserable?
90. Is there anyone in your life you would blame for situations you are in today?
91. Do you like parties or social events?
92. Do you live by a budget?
93. Are you often early, on time or late?
94. Would you consider employing a nanny or housekeeper?
95. Does profanity bother you?
96. Is it important that your children be a part of a specific religion?
97. Have you ever been depressed?
98. Have you ever been in therapy?
99. Have you ever tried to commit suicide?
100. Do you think that significant others should share fetishes?
101. Is it important for significant others to share friends?
102. Is it important for your friends to like your partner?
103. What pets do you plan to have in the future?
104. Does physical appearance matter?
105. Would you share a toothbrush?
106. Is all criticism constructive?
107. Do you believe in reincarnation?
108. How do you feel about animal testing?
109. Is it important for you to be popular?
110. Do you enjoy your career?
111. How do you feel about false beauty enhancements like makeup, hair color, hair extensions, plastic surgery and Botox?
112. What is your opinion of gambling?
113. What are your thoughts on jealousy?
114. How do you feel about video games?
115. Does pornography bother you?
116. How do you feel about strip clubs?
117. Does a partner have the right to dictate how the other dresses?
118. Is fitness important to you?
119. Is eating healthy important?
120. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?
121. Have you ever been addicted to anything?
122. Are leather and fur acceptable fashion choices?
123. Do you like museums?
124. Do you enjoy sports?
125. Do you believe in coincidences?
126. How do you feel about medically assisted suicide for the terminally ill?
127. Do you believe in alternative forms of healing like crystals and reiki?
128. What are your thoughts on the self-help movement?
129. Would anyone use the word kinky or freaky to describe your sexual interests?
130. Does public breastfeeding bother you?
131. Do you believe in miracles?
132. Are there any new tattoos or piercings in your future?
133. What are your thoughts on gifts and gift giving?
134. Do you believe that love conquers all?
135. Does danger excite you?
Of course you don't have to ask or answer every single question. Pick the ones that matter to you and go for it. Most importantly, have fun with this. Don't interrogate or investigate. Have a mutual conversation.
What do you think?
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And there you have it. I'm Abiola Abrams and love, sex, dating and inspiration are my passion. Come play with me on the sexy blog, Twitter, YouTube and Facebook. Don't forget to check out my personal story and thoughts on Dan Savage's monogamy theories and mt photos from this past weekend's women's empowerment summit.
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