I received this email yesterday from a reader, and I thought it was an interesting topic that a lot of couples face at one point or another in their relationship: deciding whether or not to withhold information.
I was at a party a week ago with my boyfriend and some friends. There was a guy there that I used to date before my boyfriend. I hadn't seen him in a really long time so we sat on the porch and caught up on each other's lives and how things were going. It was perfectly innocent until he became more intoxicated and started confessing that he never really got over me and thinks about me a lot. I was in shock and didn't really know what to say. I simply said, "thanks" and told him I should probably go grab another drink and find my boyfriend. We made eye contact a few more times, but I tried hard to avoid talking to him alone for the rest of the evening. I haven't told my boyfriend because I didn't do anything, and part of me feels as though it might bruise his ego to know that I was on the porch talking to a guy for close to an hour that eventually confessed he had feelings for me. On the other hand, I also think you should be honest in all relationships. Please help. I don't know what to do.
Sitting in silence
Dear Sitting in Silence,
This is a tricky situation that most of us have faced in one form or another. The answer is fairly simple; only you know your relationship. I value honesty over every other component of a relationship. So, being honest is never a bad route. However, you have to ask how your boyfriend views the situation. If you tell him this information, is he going to think it's silly and wonder why you even brought it up? Perhaps, it might even come off as you're trying to brag that the other guy still has feelings for you. I highly doubt that, but it is a possibility. Every guy reacts differently, and only you know your guy. The bottom line is that you didn't do anything wrong, and by no means did you expect that type of confession when catching up with him. Either way, I think you're going to make a good decision. Follow your gut instinct. My advice is to sleep on it for a couple more days. If you're still feeling guilty, you need to just tell him. If you decide it wasn't as big of a deal as you once thought it was, I would just let this one slip by. However, if you are having small pangs of guilt because you might actually have feelings, too, this is a completely different situation and needs to be addressed. In all situations, think about your boyfriend and your relationship. Do what feels right and that's the bottom line.