So many times in our society we hear about high-divorce rates. We moan and grump at this true and far-from-a-lie reality. Not only this, but we have those that can give every excuse in the book why we have high-divorce rates. Of course, nobody is saying that we should ignore the probable reasons for failed-marriages, but we want to hear how to solve our own marital mishaps. So, instead of moping around saying “Woe is me,” it is time to listen up and to rekindle that passion we once had in our marriages.
Marriage, for most of us, is a place where two people dwell together in peace and love. We need to rekindle that flame and spark some old ones in the process. We get stuck in doing the same routine day-in and day-out. The same passion that was present at the beginning of the marriage needs to be reintroduced. In my own observations, I can do nothing but blush when I see older couples that are happily married. When we look at the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) he would race with A’aisha (May Allah be pleased with her). They would take baths together. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) confided in Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her) when he was told he was told he was a prophet of Allah. He would go to his wives for advice and consultation. He took comfort in his wives and loved them dearly. Where is this sense of love and admiration for our spouses? We should grow together in our love as we grow older. The love in our marriages should be dynamic. Marital bliss may be a lie, but having love for your spouse is not. Islam has guided he Muslim and has allowed concessions as a blessing. Marriage is halal, or lawful. This should be a clear indication that marriage should be something that we enjoy and find comfort in doing. When was the last time you woke up your husband or wife to perform the night prayer? Sure, this is an act of worship, but what better way is there to create love in a marriage? Islam creates mercy and love in a home. In performing salawat together the spouses will further their closeness to Allah and to one another. Also, when was the last time your spouse and you have went out to do something fun or silly? Having fun is a great and healthy way to nurture a relationship. Get up and play! The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated that “everything without containing the remembrance of Allah is just amusement and play except four: to joke and play with one’s wife…”. This is Islam for you in its truthfulness. We should enjoy our spouses.
Marriage is about growing together in the religion and with one another. Our marriages should be a place in which communication is open and available- day or night. This communication can take the form of a note within each other’s packages for lunch. Nowadays, technology has made it possible to send a text-message or email. If pictures can send the message then why not a picture? Communication is vital and it should never be left out of a marriage. Communication is the lifeline of a marriage. All relationships have to function off of the ability for both individuals to express themselves. In the case of anger, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) tells the Muslim that we shouldn't leave our fellow Muslim for three days. The reality of this is to never leave another Muslim for not even a moment. We shouldn't hold a grudge against our fellow sister or brother in Islam. When we get upset with our mate we should remember this. As Muslim spouse, we have rights over each other as mates, but as Muslims too. When we think about things in this perspective we will less likely have many of the issues we face.
Also, as spouses we should understand that we are garments upon one another. Some people may raise a brow or two at this metaphor. As spouses we protect one another, cover each other’s faults, find peace with each other, honor one another, and should be a comfort for each other. This beautiful way of looking at our marriages should be an incentive for rekindling the passion and love we once had for one another. We should dig up those old pick-up lines and date each other. Yes, Married people date! Islam has forbid dating in the sense of having a girlfriend or boyfriend, but not in the context of marriage. Spouses should flirt with one another and experience life in a new light. Of course, both spouses should acknowledge that one may like this or that hobby over another, so simply compromise. If your spouse enjoys hunting then go hunting and maybe you will find a great catch for dinner, and inshALLAH your spouse will do the same for you next time. Maybe one day you could surprise your spouse with a gift of a nice meal.
These ideas are simply suggestions, but if you have others then go for it. Your marriage is what you make of it. Put in more time and effort and you may just see the rekindling of flames you were waiting to rekindling.
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