Warning: This is an abuser! Approach with extreme caution! Unfortunately, there are no warning labels on abusers. There are no prominent distinctions marked on abusers to identify them either. And, there are no flashing lights or sirens sounding off, when you see one.
However, there are signs to look for before actual or potential abuse. There are questions to ask. Did he grow up in an abusive family? Does he tend to use force or violence to “solve” problems? Does he treat others rough by using physical force? Does he have a quick temper? Is he irrational, unstable? Does he abuse alcohol or drugs? Is he jealous of other relationships, friends, and family? Does he have weapons or access to any? Does he expect people to follow his orders and advice? Does he become angry when he doesn’t get things his way? Does he go through highs and lows? Does he act like two different people, like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Do people fear and avoid him, especially when he gets angry?
There are basic warning signs of abuse. The most obvious signs are evidence of severe, recurring, or life threatening abuse, like repeated bruises or broken bones. Psychological battering, where one partner continuously degrades or belittles the other with verbal abuse, uses intimidation, dominating, terrifying, rule-making behaviors to control and manipulate the actions of their partner and children. Abusers display jealousy and isolate their partners. Abusers use the legal system to punish their partners and to try to regain control with long, hard, and expensive court battles. Abusers use custody and visitation issues to try to regain control over their partners.
These are just some “red flags” to look for. Understanding domestic violence and how to recognize it, in both an adult and child, can help break the cycle of abuse. Getting educated on domestic violence may seem very simple, yet it’s a large piece of the solution. Knowledge equals power.
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