The children have grown and have left the nest, the roof is in need of repair, and you and your spouse barely talk to each other, let alone share intimacy. In your heart, you both know you still love each other. It is just that raising the children, tending to the house and our careers has caused us to lose sight of how to take care of ourselves and each other.
Now there are no real distractions, and very little room for excuses. So how do you begin rebuilding those old sparks? How do you reclaim that intimacy? Start dating your spouse again. Communicate with your spouse. Remind yourself of the things that caused you to fall in love in the first place. Take account of the things that you love about your spouse.
According to Husband Clothes, more than 50% may be involved in a current affair, yet only 25% cite an affair as an actual reason for divorce. These are very disturbing statistics. We see it in the press, on the news, in our communities and on our jobs. Couples who have been married for ten, fifteen, twenty and twenty-five years are divorcing.
In addition to money and infidelity, one of the top reasons couples separate or divorce is because they grow apart. When speaking about intimacy, at first glance, one may think about sexual intimacy, but emotional intimacy may also become and issue. In fact, therapist, Judith Barnett, PhD says, “Women especially need a sense of intimacy in order to feel sexual. And, sex can begin to feel pretty hollow to the man who does not feel connected in a satisfying way with his partner. However, men and women often need very different things in order to feel the sense of intimacy with their partner.”
Find a medium that both you and your spouse are comfortable with that will allow you to rediscover intimacy that you initially shared before those things that distracted you from each other. Setting time aside from your regular schedule to spend time with your spouse is crucial—so crucial that if a couple fails to reclaim this intimacy, they leave the door open for adultery, separation and even divorce.
If all else fails, it is suggested that therapy could serve as a saving grace to a couple who may not know what steps to take to reclaim that intimacy. Therapy tends to be a stigma for many Americans; however, seeking help to restore and save your marriage is nothing to be embarrassed about. A therapist can mediate communication between you and your spouse, allowing a husband or a wife to better communicate their feelings, wants, and needs.
Re-learning your spouse can save your marriage and many couples can attest that by doing so, their marriages have been saved and they have gone on to have fulfilling relationships.
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