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Rebound. How to bounce back into dating


Being on the rebound is not the best place to be. It’s relationship limbo. That place that gets blurred between attached and not ready to be in the single world just yet.

But no matter how much you deny, you are now single. If you want out, the best thing to do is to take a lot of time for yourself. Focus on who you are out of a relationship. Get rid of things that will stimulate thoughts of your ex. That includes, pictures, playlists, souvenirs from trips, their clothes… you get the idea. If you don’t feel comfortable destroying these things then donate them to Salvation Army or ask a distant relative to hold onto them until you’ve moved on completely. This, on average, is double the amount of time the relationship lasted. And absolutely NO COMMUNICATION. This is the key threw the journey out of limbo. Any communication with your ex will send you right back to start, like game over.

For those still in denial you are in the rebound. Welcome. Being on the rebound is not a bad place unless you make it that way. When you’re rebounding there is an urgency to jump back into a familiar situation to ease your feelings. Committing too early is done in order to be distracted from the pain of the break up. When you’re rebounding you are not in the right state of mind and some might argue that involving someone new into your mental instability is unfair. Of course I am not one of those people. If you are going to bounce around in limbo (rebound) there are healthy ways to do it.

Don’t pick the first opportunity that comes along.
You have to realize that your love mind (which sometimes can be found below the waist) is in a hurry to get back to those familiar feelings. So more than likely you’ll be like stank on Dundalk to the first person that shows you attention. Don’t. Use some control to make intelligent guesses about the new people in your single life. If you’re putting yourself out there for options you’ll be more likely to make a clearer decision. If you don’t have time for thinking than #3 is usually a good person to start with.

Try dating someone completely opposite of your ex.
If your ex is a musician, stay away from Sonar. Met her at Wisp? It’s time to take a trip to the beach. If they were athletic, go for artistic. If they were nerdy, go for life of the party. Religious to rebel, blonde to deep brunettes. The point is to not ruin a new potential situation by fetishizing about your ex. Judge your dates on your standards of a great person, not in comparison to your ex. Remember your ex is gone now, non-existent. You date is the here and now and nothing like your ex.

Be honest about your past.
You’re not obligated to spill every emotional bean about your last relationship but you do need to let your date know you’ve just gotten out of one. Give your date the option of whether to deal with a rebounder. Dealing with a rebounder is not easy. You can be needy, impulsive and often imaginable. Details to tell are: how long the relationship lasted, how long ago the break up was, the difference between your date and your ex, and you’re completely over your ex. If you’re going to say the last out loud, then make sure you mean it. If you don’t, then leave immediately.

Date around.
You’re single now! When was the last time you could say that? You’re free. Enjoy it and take advantage. Some norms might have shifted in the dating world so take this time to find out what’s hot and who’s hot. Wrap it up because the dating world can be an infected one.

Life isn’t over you have plenty of time.
Take it slow. You owe it to yourself to be happy and to learn from the mistakes made in your last relationship. When you’re in rebound your heart is skipping beats and skipping steps. If you stay focused and remember to breathe you’ll be less likely to make the same mistakes twice. You will be happy again but no one knows when exactly. Don’t get upset with the time it takes to find love again, embrace the extra moments you have to get it right. Wounds heals only with time (and maybe a little Neosporin).

If you like this article and having a dating issue of your own, feel free to email Tekoa for a little advice.

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