There are times in our lives when we are faced with some pretty easy choices. Of course, that means you will be introduced to quite a few tough choices as well. Such is the case for many who find that they are entertaining a newfound position on relationships. What’s that position, you ask? Being faithful.
Recently, Kanye West graced the cover of GQ magazine’s August 2014 issue. The caption for his section of the mag read: “KANYE WEST Tells Us How To Grow Up, Survive A Wedding, Stay Outrageous, And Dress Like A God.” After much criticism from die-hard fans, some of it my own, I remain skeptical about his ability to tell me how to dress like a “god” as opposed to dressing expensively (Do gods dress gaudy, or is that left to kings and queens? *kanye shrug*), but I have to admit that he made some very valid points during the interview about what it takes to grow up after living a fast and frivolous lifestyle; which, for him, is probably a million times faster and with more frivolity than the average person.
So, if you are known for playing the field your “bros” and “besties” may be used to you doing just that. It is these people that, unknowingly, make it tough for you to admit you have found someone you really like, and (gasp) want to entertain the idea of being faithful. But your friends are not the only reason you are silent about your new stance on having a relationship. Here are the common reasons many struggle with commitment.
You may be saying to yourself that you are not afraid to be in a relationship. You have been in one before, right? Fair enough. And although, you may not be afraid to jump into a relationship, there are other underlying fears you experience when it comes to staying in a relationship. Many men and women, who lead active dating lives as singles, are afraid of losing touch, afraid of seeming like a “sellout” to their peers, afraid the other person will change, afraid sex will become obsolete, afraid things will get boring, afraid of being horrible at being in a relationship and being mocked for it, afraid of having to consider someone else, afraid of not considering someone else enough. The list can go on and on. But what it ultimately boils down to is, fear.
However, if you want to commit to another person then it is only fair that you sit down with that person and address those fears. Really get in there and itemize each and every apprehension you have about being in the relationship and see if the two of you cannot work them out together. After all, fears only exist because you haven’t conquered them. So conquer them.
Your friends and guys assume that you are “pulling” different hotties every night. They can’t wait to hear your dating endeavors and rendezvous’; they are like vultures. And when you don’t give them enough they have detailed questions to help with the process. They want the tea, or gossip, because now that they are hitched off, engaged, or have steady relationships of their own they have chosen to live vicariously through you. And while you loved riding high from the attention playing the field has brought you, you have to admit it is exhaustive.
It is perfectly understandable that you enjoy the fact that your friends, people you find interesting, find you just as interesting. But at some point, you have to be realistic. Friends, aside from family, are those people in our lives that should want what’s best for us. They should not pressure you to uphold characteristics you no longer enjoy. Every relationship, including friendships, should experience certain levels of maturation. It is one of the things that are vital to life because change is inevitable. Being in a committed relationship does not have to be the end of having good times with your friends. It does, however, mean you have to start piling some honesty on top of those assumptions, and following up with some really great zingers.
So you had a few relationships that probably lasted briefly, or you had one really long relationship that lasted years and hurt like heck when it was over. And you haven’t been back on the horse since. This means you either have a really warped sense of what a relationship should be, or have not taken the time to find out what a potentially good relationship could be. A lot of the time people who struggle with remaining faithful in a relationship are the same people who do not understand how to deal with the expectations of the other person.
There will be times where you are expected to understand rules no one ever mentioned. But what the experience of being in a committed relationship does is it forces you to communicate in a way unfamiliar to you for the sake of happiness and peace.
Remaining faithful in a relationship is not an easy task, but spreading yourself thin with numerous mates or lying about your actions can wear on you as well. I think Kanye described commitment perfectly when he said,
“…I feel that this stuff’s starting to be cool. And that feels good to me. Because I don’t like walking around with people thinking I’m doing uncool sh##, because there’s nothing that’s uncool. It’s all innovative. You just might not understand it yet. But it’s cool. Family is super cool. Going home to one girl every night is super cool…That sh** is super cool.”