On your mark, get set, go! Here's your Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 5 recap. Grab a "Miss Thing" and read the Victory Waters synopsis.
But before we begin, if you don't know how to make a "Miss Thing", grab a Margarita and add a splash of orange juice to create this refreshing lovely. (Ok, I cheated, Nene told a waitress how to make the drink during this episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta.)
West Coast trip:
Nene and Lisa go shopping. They are looking for a wardrobe to pack to take to Lisa's home in Los Angeles. If you remember in episode 4, Lisa's mother asked for Nene to come to Los Angeles to help celebrate Lisa's 92-year old grandmother's birthday. We also are reminded that Lisa is at odds about going to visit her brother Meho's grave-site while visiting California. Lisa's older brother, Meho, died three years ago for reasons unknown. However, Lisa did mention Meho was taking some medication and he was a drinker. Nene shares that she, too, is not keen on visiting a love one's grave-site as she has never been to her own mother's grave-site.
Next we see Kandi in the studio. Kim shows up with her 7yr old daughter Arianna. And folks, it is an immediate love fest. Hugs and hellos all the way around. If you remember from Season 1, Kim never falls short of compliments and finding common bonds with potential new BFFs. And Kim does not let us down on our expectations. Kim starts fishing around for her common Kandi bond and hits a bullseye - birthdays! Kandi's birthday is May 17th and what do you know, Kim's birthday is May 19th. Yay, Kim finds her bond - Go Taurus! Kim immediately starts talking about throwing a birthday party at restaurant AJA, blah, blah, blah.
After some more Taurus talk, Kandi reciprocates part of the love-fest with a ballad she has due to her inspiration after meeting Kim. Kandi begins to sing:
"...that's why I fly above, all the haters
I fly above
I fly above
it's beneath me
it's beneath me
Kim is clearly taken by Kandi's vocals and lyrics. Insert Kleenex here. Kim begins to drop music producer Dallas Austin's name over and over again and even tells Kandi that "Dallas described you as myself". Insert finger into back of throat here. Kim needs to just trust that her friendship making is fine by just being who she is and not who she knows or by how many compliments she can throw at you in one seating.
Back to "Tardy for the party". Kim continues to tell Kandi that because she is a Taurus that she can do basically anything including asking her new BFF to produce last Seasons' "Tardy for the party" song. Kandi lets Kim know that she will give her an answer after she has listened to the song herself.
Nene visits Derek Blanks' photography studio. Derek Blanks, celebrity photographer, invited Nene to have an alter-ego photo shoot. Derek and Nene mull over shoot ideas when we hear Nene say "I'm a housewife but I'm also a stripper" with regards to her own photo shoot alter-ego look. Derek suggests that Nene host a show where all the cast members can reveal their alter-ego photos to party-goers.
Nene and Kim are having a pedicure at Salon Sol when Nene fills Kim in about the alter-ego photo shoot idea. Nene tells Kim she will be a black girl named Keena. To further Nene's point, she informs Kim "You are a black woman trapped in a white woman's body", "Your mom did not tell you but I'll call her and tell her she had a black baby and didn't know it". Both all are squeals and giggles. We get to see that fun ebony and ivory match up from early last season.
Nene tells Kim that she is going to L.A. with Lisa to meet Lisa's family. Nene goes on to say that Lisa's grandmother is having a celebration of her long life of 90 plus years. A snarly Kim responds "Does that mean that Lisa is going to live until she is f-bomb 90"? The news of Lisa's possible longevity is met with an eye-rolling Kim.
Kim tells Nene about her visit with Kandi at the studio and how she really thinks Kandi and she have a lot in common. Of course, Nene does not look impressed and Kim notices Nene's reaction. We see a "talk to camera" moment with Kim saying "every time I meet a new friend she has a problem with it". I love Nene but I'm with Kim on that one. It looks like Nene would be happy if she could have her friend Kim all to herself. And let's be honest, we love seeing Kim and Nene together.
Going back to Cali:
Nene is driving with Lisa around Los Angeles. As they pull up to their hotel, Lisa asks Nene if she is ready to meet her Asian side. Silly Nene says "I'm excited. I have a pair of chopsticks in my purse girl". As crazy as that statement is, Nene manages to come across as innocent as ever. The ladies check into their hotel and begin to walk through the lobby. And then, right out of bizzaro world, a gay man with an incredible beyond-falsetto voice asks the ladies for nail clippers. After a quick exchange, the ladies invite the high-talker to margaritas on the roof at a later time.
We don't see Sheree until now and she is in another meeting type situation. Clearly, Bob Whitfield's "sans money" routine is bringing about the business in Sheree and less shopping activity. Sheree is sitting with a publicity consultant named Johnathan. Listening to Sheree's "talk to camera moment" we learn that she was approached to debut "She by Sheree" by doing a high fashion runway show that will be sponsored by Mercedes-Benz. Jonathan assures Sheree that the event will be an exclusive invite including sponsorship by Tiffany's. Of course, Sheree says she wants to be involved in the process. Hmm...anyone else having an "Anthony the Party Planner deja vu" (see Episode 1 Season 2). Wait, looks like Bravo TV's producers are having the same deja vu as bravo cuts to that infamous clip of Anthony and Sheree and the "who's gonna check me boo" explosion. In speaking about the newest fashion debut, Sheree expresses her wishes to include choosing a Maybach as her transportation vehicle to and from her high fashion show. If you gulped on that one, understand you are not alone. We keep seeing these hilarious shots of this one particular event planning female whose mouth seems permanently fixed agape while watching Sheree talk. Bravo TV's capture of that female was priceless.
Nene is truly a comedian. She and Lisa sit down at an outside restaurant where Nene describes the wine poured by the waitress as "some BS wine". She orders a "Miss Thing" instead (read first paragraph for Miss Thing reference). And like a disease, Nene and Lisa segue from discussing shopping to continuing to discuss Kim. Enough with the Kim rantings already. But wait, it gets a little juicy when we learn from Lisa that Kim has been gossiping around Atlanta that Lisa is a crack wh&*#. Not sure where that would come from being that Lisa does not exhibit any signs of drug usage. Maybe Kim said that because she is assuming reasons why Lisa does not have custody of her two children with ex-husband Keith Sweat. Fans, there are a lot of speculation as to the reasons why her ex has custody including Lisa's grind of wanting to become an actress and not being able to provide a stable environment but drug usage was not a common rumor at all.
Whew commercial break:
Coming back, Lisa and Nene pull up to the neighborhood that Lisa grew up in, Englewood, California. We see Lisa's black mother and Asian father. Nene looks floored as she is looking at Lisa's parents. This is quite funny. Lisa's mother tells Nene that she is West Indian (Yay, let me break off into my own Kim love fest of common bonds and say that I, too am a West Indian girl. Maybe Lisa's mother and I can be new BFFs). Lisa's parents talk about the racism they encountered due to the bi-racial and interracial nature of their family. Very real moments here when we learn a bit more about Lisa and how she attained her fiery spirit.
Nene then informs Lisa of the alter-ego photo shoot. Her idea is that Lisa be both an angel and a gangster girl. Nene just wants to see how hood Lisa can truly be after seeing that prom photo of Lisa with the SWV Coko 6-inch blue sparkler nails.
Meanwhile back at the ranch:
Kandi gets a call from Kim inviting her to dinner at Stoney River. Can someone smell another love fest?
Again, we hear Sheree's big plans for her "She by Sheree" debut. Sheree walks into a building where she will select models to walk in her fashion show. As the girls begin to walk, Sheree is mortified being that each girl is one disaster after another. Immediately, you see Sheree turning to the event planners. Sheree plays it cool telling them she wants high fashion models and beautiful tall girls. She then quickly disses TRG 3, the modeling agency who brought this lackluster group of females that included a 5'2 model. I never heard of TRG 3 either but good grief, anyone knows a 5'2 female is not a runway model. The expressions on Sheree's face? Catch the repeat episodes.
East meets West:
Nene meets Lisa's whole family. "I wasn't expecting to see so many Asian people". She has the best quotes in this entire episode. Nene makes her way over to Lisa's grandmother where she gives her a welcome hug and let's grandma know that they have the same hairdo of fabulousness. Grandma gives the girls a tip and says that her beauty skin regimen is good ole' fashioned Vaseline. She even spits some wisdom by telling the ladies that Vaseline will save you money. Good advice for those seeking expensive products after all we are in a recession.
During the celebration, Nene pulls Lisa to the side and says she does not feel comfortable going to brother Meho's grave-site. Lisa understands and starts sharing a bit more about her 51 yr old brother who died three years ago. Lisa lovingly says that Meho was the life of a party, had a girlfriend and was gay. They both smile.
After Nene leaves the celebration, Lisa and her siblings Carlos, Andre, and Marlowe discuss visiting their brother Meho's grave-site. Lisa's brother Andre is adamant about Lisa visiting the grave-site and we see some raw emotions from everyone at the table.
A quick two minute pause watching Lisa and Nene getting all "browed" up by Damone Roberts. Damone is known as Los Angeles' eyebrow king. He does the eyebrows for celebrities such as Jennifer Hudson and Beyonce. Not sure why this was relevant or even put into the show since it was slapped on as an after thought but hey, it was there so it is in here.
K&K Stoney River Dinner:
Kim arrives at Stoney River restaurant to meet new BFF Kandi. Kim wastes no time talking about all the girls: "Nene stays friends with you for like for 90 days then.." "What do you feel about Lisa?" "Sheree and Nene are like best friends again" blah blah blah.
As she sees Kandi's eyes glaze over, Kim immediately brings up their common bond of "Taurus rules"! Kandi confessing that she likes Lisa because Lisa is all about business. Kim jokes about Lisa's entrepreneurial endeavors of a jewelry line, clothing line, and baby line. And Kim's rant about Lisa continues "You aren't f-bomb wonder woman." "She tries to portray this image, I'm so perfect..." "Take your shades off because you are not".
Kim stops her ranting for one moment as she passes Kandi her "Tardy for the party" CD. Kandi lets her know that she will review the CD and see how they can work together so everyone comes out looking good.
At the L.A. grave-site, Lisa is paying her respects with the rest of her siblings and father. Brother Andre grieves in a "R.Kelly video way" as he pours liquor on brother Meho's burial place. Lisa remarks "I think I saw it in a video but I've never seen anyone do it". Lisa asks for a moment to pay her private respects. It was very cute to see that her daddy would not leave Lisa's side even though she asked for privacy to mourn for her older brother. Clear to see that Lisa is definitely daddy's little girl.
Back at the hotel, Lisa and Nene are on deck relaxing. They discuss the events of the day. The girls look very L.A. clad with lovely sun dresses, designer glasses and heels. Nene expresses how much she enjoys going from rags to riches. Lisa's take on that is that she does not ever think she is better than anyone else and that she is proud to be from Englewood, California.
With Dwight being so far away on the East Coast, it may have been pure luck or the brain child of a Bravo producer but what would an episode of Real Housewives in Atlanta be without a fierce gay man? Remember the high-talker from the lobby who asked for a nail clipper, here he comes sauntering up to the girls with his glass of champagne. Too bad he did not have more face time for this episode because he was definitely colorful. We learn his name is Michael. Lisa asks Michael if he is Asian and Michael responds "I'm Polish, Irish and a hint of China". Nene invites Michael to Atlanta when Michael asks Nene if she has a man for him. Nene starts to offer up her BFF Dwight when Michael lets the girls know that his man needs to be employed and he prefers a linebacker for the Raiders type. Um, Ed Hartwell? Lisa makes a couple of cute comments but the medal for most colorful comments come from Michael as he explains to Lisa that when it comes to gay men being with straight men "we do have different stuff to offer. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't". Bravo, you need to send Michael a ticket to Atlanta and write him in as Lisa's new BFF.
It's the alter-ego shoot. Lisa and Kim sit down and talk about past issues. Kandi and Sheree are seen sharing tears over some unfortunate incident where the words "nephew and ICU" is heard.