Well met wretches! The good doctor could not make it in this week. So, he asked me to step in and answer some reader mail. Who am I? Well, I’m not the good doctor; that’s for sure. You could say that I represent the counterbalance to the good doctor’s inane goodness. Regardless, peons, I too have a PhD and my advice will be good enough for you sheep! Let’s start with the first pathetic email from Aaron:
Dr. Mike,
What do you think of the three day rule? It’s the rule where people believe you shouldn’t call the girl until three days after the date so as not to look too desperate.
Aaron
First of all, the normal writer of this column makes you call him Dr. Mike? Really, is he some kind of dirt sniffing hippie? Only, granola crunching, flip flop wearing hooligans go by DR. INSERT FIRST NAME HERE. Lameness of Dr. Mike aside, let me address your sad little question. To begin with, you’re a loser. The fact you are asking when you can call a chic is pitiful. How old are you? Fifteen? Look, you sad excuse of a man, do you like her? Better yet, did you have a good time on the date? Did she? If the answer is yes, then go get her! Don’t try to play games. Women don’t care when you call them (as long as its’ not right after the first date; that’d be creepy). In fact, most women have heard of the 3 day rule and will interpret your actions as being just a “typical male.” (SEE BORING). Women appreciate initiative and confidence. Call her; tell her you have some plans and that you would like her to come along. Whatever you do, don’t call, ask her to go out, and not have something in mind. If you go into the conversation with no plans and say something like “we can do whatever you want” or “what do you feel like doing” your goose is cooked! Now, get out there you pustule.
Wow, that was more fun than lancing a boil. But, I’m feeling generous. Let me take one more question.
Dr. Mike,
Are threesomes good? I mean, can they work?
Ter90
Yes.
Well, that’s all I can stand from you mortals. My contact with you has left me feeling corrupted by your ignorance. I’m not sure if I have the desire to ever come back but, I’m sure if you send a question to Dr. Mike’s email, he will let me know.
I know the good doctor thinks he is clever by ending his column with the same catch phrase, “Now Do As I say.” However, I have my own catch phrase: DISAGREE AT YOUR OWN PERIL!
Do you have a topic you wished to be addressed in this column (by either the good doctor or Dr. Evil)? Or, do you need advice with a relationship concern? Contact me at drmikeexaminer@gmail.com.
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