We can learn a great deal about a person by the way he/she plays games, because games are about dealing with tensions and interactions with other people that we do not take personally. A hitter in a baseball game accepts an outfielder's throws to third base as part of the play, as long as the outfielder observes the rules. Games involve conflict - competition, envy over another players luck of the draw - that is a window into a person's ability to flow with the unfolding events of personal interaction, which means playing to our own strengths while letting others play to theirs.
Just to be clear, we are not talking about head games, as in manipulative double messages, passive-aggressive "I'm jsut being honest" commentary on some personal flaw that derail the process but have nothing whatsoever to do with the tensions at hand, or the straight-on fakery some people engage in to get what they want from a relationship.
This is about actual games - Pictionary or Monopoly - that have a set of rules and objectives upon which everyone involved agrees, or improv games which are even closer to what happens in real life. In improvisation, the end game is not a "win" but a story that emerges from the real-time choices players make as they go along. These creativity-generating games are, in fact, the best way to learn and practice the skills that result in successful relationships at home and work.
Relationships develop or die through the dynamic interaction between people, and they will grow or fail based on our willingness to see what they show us about ourselves. Improvisation is an activity that strengthens interpersonal skills and provides an opportunity to practice them. Here are two – out of many – principles of improvisation that can raise our game in personal and professional partnerships.
Accepting and Making Offers: A foundational principle of improv is saying "yes…and" to whatever the other player offers, e.g. Player 1 walks into a scene with no assigned role, no context, no knowledge of what his/her partner is about to do or say. Player 2 is sitting in a chair and gestures for Player 1 to sit down, then says "You're hired!" This is "the offer," meaning Player 2 has provided a context for this interaction. Player 1 must work with this context in an accepting way even if it throws off any assumptions he/she had coming into the scene. "Thanks!" Player 1 responds. "Not many companies will hire me once they find out about my tail." Now Player 1 has made an offer to Player 2, who must go with it. "We want you here because of your tail. Its an important part of the job," which now feeds another offer to Player 2.
Make Your Partner Look Good: Improvisation - in theater games or in jazz - is a give-and-take among partners or teams. We play as a group, then someone solos and we support, then they step back and someone else takes the spotlight, and so it goes. What makes it interesting and fun to participate in this process is also what makes a performance enjoyable for the audience, and that is the good will and supportive energy the partners demonstrate toward one another. Improv is, in this way, one of the most generous art forms. And in doing it well we become more trusting of our partners who have entered into this agreement to treat us well.
Making your partner look good does not mean letting a partner run away with the show every time because if that happens – on the stage of real-life personal relationships particularly - there is a problem with the partnership that needs to be addressed.
The idea is to be open to what others' choices tell us about who they are. It is up to us to decide whether we want to continue playing with them. It we see another person clearly we can make them an offer based on what we want or need and see what comes of it.Perhaps we can improvise our way to a better balance with a partner, but if not we can move on.
Regardless of how predictable and scripted life may seem to be, our daily interactions with others consist of an ongoing series of offers made by everyone involved. Life itself is making offers to us all the time, in the form of new circumstances, twists of fate, and unexpected truths revealed that change the meaning of things. Whether or not we like the offers that are made to us is not nearly as important as how alive and creative we are in response to them.
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