In the beginning of dating everything is new. Falling asleep on the phone after talking all night is fun. There is no complaining about the loss of sleep or waking up with a cell phone imprint on one's cheek. Everything that a crush does is cute. Clothes laying on the floor is a sexy reminder of last night's activities. Doing thoughtful things "just because" is always on the mind. It is fun to try new recipes. It is after all the way to a man's heart! Doing chores and grocery shopping together is foreplay. During this time it is impossible to keep your hands to yourself. Touch is as essential as air or water.
This time can be compared to the 90 day probationary period on a new job. In fact, it lasts about that long. Starting a new job is exciting. It is a new adventure and marks a fresh start in life. It is easy to wake up early and show up before the scheduled start time. Co-workers are funny! To show appreciation, Friday morning donuts are in order. Volunteering to take on extra work shows enthusiasm. Fast forward three months. Cubicle humor is annoying. Happy hour with the team? No thanks. It is a miracle to make it to the parking lot at 8 a.m. let alone clocking in on time. Singing, "The thrill is gone."
How do things changing so quickly? Blame it on the loss of appreciation. Single days are long gone and it is easy to wonder, "Was being alone so bad?" No one to answer to. It was so much easier being responsible only for moi. Dating has ended and real life has set in. Spontaneity is replaced with routine. Rest in peace, romance. The flowers from Valentine's Day are long wilted. $60 for some shrubs that will die in two days? Forget about it! Eight plus hours of sleep are essential. Cuddling is annoying. "Ugh, I'm hot! Please get back on your side." The headache excuses are prevalent.
The big question is, "Is it possible to get the spark back?" First, learn to keep some mystery in the relationship. It worked for Fred and Daphne. Significant others do not need to know every detail of each day. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Give the illusion of being a little less available. This might sound like game playing but call it relationship creativity.
“Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.” ~Bill Cosby
Unless one is plotting an escape route back to singlehood, change is in order. Men and women have different needs but there is one thing in common. Both want to feel important. For men, it is the desire to feel needed. It is part of the hunter and gatherer mentality. Pretend to not be superwoman for one day. It is difficult in this independent woman era but turn off the Beyonce song for a minute. Play the damsel in distress. It might just be declogging a sink that is easily done, but let him know that you need his help. Appreciation is now in order. Cook his favorite meal and serve him a beer while he watches Monday Night Football. Now women have a completely different set of needs. Chris Rock said it best, "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." Getting texts from her complaining about her horrible day has both of you in a bad mood. There are two options. Let it ruin the night or surprise your moody woman with a night out. Take her to Pappadeaux so she doesn't have to cook. Throw in some supermarket flowers for good measure. It is that simple to put a smile on a woman's face. She will not have a headache tonight -trust!
The key to putting spark back in the relationship is as simple as returning to the basics. Don't stop dating once your Facebook relationship status changes and never ever use the toilet with the door open.